Roast Battle is back for more hype fights. Happy White Guilt Month!
Judging tonight’s bloodbaths, we have Bruce Jingles (ABC, Showtime). Bruce is back in the VIP section after judging at the beginning of this year, which means two things: he was a great judge and he loves the show. Joining us again this week to lend his expertise to the VIP section is the Roastmaster General Jeff Ross.
First up we have Cole Alexander returning to take on Alice Hamilton.
Cole has resting “WOO!” face and we last saw him in an awkward battle against Angel Pitts, he took the W with a couple solid jokes. Alice has never battled before and doesn’t have a Facebook, so I guess she isn’t a real person. Cole had an impressive first battle, and given that there is nothing about Alice available online, I give the edge to Cole.
Next up we have Tess Barker vs. Digits.
Tess Barker has never battled before, but she’s no stranger to roast battle, as she was a judge a few months back. Tess is a comedy vet and has her own successful podcast. Digits is a battle rapper and is returning to the ring after an impressive win over (also battling tonight) Dylan Sullivan. While Tess has never battled before, she’s a seasoned comic and we can expect her to come prepared. Digits has already shown he has what it takes to put on a great battle, so we can expect this to be a good one.
Next up we have Todd Walker vs. Tatenda Mbudzi.
Todd is coming off of an underwhelming win against Willie Simon, although he does boast a 3-0 record, which he wanted to make sure everyone knew. Tatenda had an impressive first battle where he took the W against Cat Wright. While Todd’s last battle may not have been the greatest, Todd works hard and is a huge fan of roast battle, so I anticipate he’s learned from his mistakes and will be bringing some heat. Tatenda has already shown he can devour the competition, so this will be a close match.
The last undercard is Matt Lockwood taking on Dylan Sullivan.
This is a battle of the baby-faced beasts. Dylan is on his way to becoming a seasoned battler and has some very impressive matches under his belt. Most recently he took down roast battle’s Most Hateable Man, Lou Misiano. Matt Lockwood has never battled but he’s a hilariously talented comedian, so expect some solid, soul-crushing jokes. While this battle looks like it’s between the two E-Trade babies, I expect the shit will come from their mouths and all over the eager audience.
Our main event tonight features Jono Zalay vs John Michael Bond.
Both of these guys have proven they are beasts in the ring and know how to write hilariously mean jokes. Jono is coming off an impressive win over OG Stuart Thompson back in August. JMB is known for his killer comebacks and quick off-the-cuff zingers. He’s coming off a loss to the insanely funny Carmen Morales, so he’s got to be hungry for a win. Both of these white dudes are straight up killers and it’s anyone’s game, but we are in for a treat when these two duke it out.
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