Normally, I use the first part of the report to highlight a non-battle part of the Roast Battle show. I’ve covered just about everyone but haven’t given you guys a chance to know…me. Not since the first post that no one read, at least. So I reached out to a bunch of people in the internet to send me tweets or emails, anonymous or not, kinda like an AMA or a Get to Know Your Writer. I got like, 100 responses but haven’t read any of them yet. I’m a little nervous. But here goes!
SHELBY FROM DULUTH, MN
“How did this all come to be? The rankings and and the blog?”
Good thing we got this one first huh? Well way back in January, I had my first battle where I beat Aaron Michael Marsh (0-1, 81). No one was there. No Jeff Ross. No Coach Tea. No House Haters. Jeff Richards called the night a bust. It was right before the Riot LA festival so I don’t think they were even supposed to have one. But I won, nonetheless, and used that win to get a meeting with Moses about an NCAA-style tournament of roasters to get the show some shared publicity with the popular college basketball tournament. The blog came from that initial idea somehow and here we are. Great question Shelb!
ARIANNE FROM BORDEAUX, FRANCE
“What qualifies you to write this blog/review of jokes?”
Another good one! And from our international readers! Well, I have the aforementioned win and my two losses have come at the gloves of some of our best roasters. I’ve also loved comedy my whole life. I remember laying around as a 12-year-old and reading the Friar’s Club Big Book of Jokes from cover to cover multiple times. I’ve been a comedian for like 6 years now. I’ve been on Hulu for comedy twice. I also produce a show called The Hella Show. The next one just so happens to be this Friday in the Belly Room at 10pm and is free to all who enjoy amazing lineups. Comedy hasn’t spit me out yet so for that reason and the ones listed before, I think you can trust my analysis.
MARCUS FROM CONCORD, CA
“The whole family is ready for you to come out of the closet.”
Okay, that one wasn’t a question and I think it’s from my brother. And now I’m noticing that the other 97 questions are some form of this last one. Ok, Q&A dunzo! Hope you feel like you know me a little better.
Now let’s get to these qualified previews bruh!
HE’S BACK! Stoked to have Jeff Ross back to the balcony! We’ve missed him but if you roast someone, let them go and if they come back to roast you then it’s meant to be. Hopefully he has some more info about the Roastmaster’s Invitational. Check out his latest special if you haven’t yet. Crazy to see the crowd of that show and having to remind yourself that those are hard criminals laughing at the same jokes we would laugh at in the Belly Room. Although, one could argue the morality levels from crowd to crowd are not too far off. I hope Big Momma Joe is there and takes Boon Shok-A-Laka’s “Proud Mary” spot tonight.
Oh nice, the Golden Pony, Tony Hinchcliffe is back! He likely returns from being a successful touring comedian, WGA writer and looking like a pre-teen praying mantis. Did you know he’s the youngest paid regular ever? Well he’ll tell ya. We thank him for gracing the judges table. Hopefully this goes a little better than the last time Jeff and Tony shared the spotlight on the show.
Let’s welcome Comedy Store paid regular Dean Delray to the judge’s table! Dean is a very funny comic and a nice dude. He has a popular podcast on the All Things Comedy network called “Let There Be Talk”, which you should definitely check out. My first year in comedy, I was on a show with Dean. I had a very mediocre set but felt cool enough to walk over to where Dean and few other comics were standing. “Black comics only” he said to me and turned his shoulder to close the convo circle. There were no black comics on the show, he didn’t indicate he was kidding and I was still a shitty 23-year-old so I left, dejected. Excited to have him as judge!
In our first battle, we have an undercard of Joey Barone (0-0, ?) versus Shaelan Bowers (0-0, ?)!
This should be interesting. Joey and Shaelan are good buds of mine. They have been friends for a while and battles between bros are always fun. Joey is a funny, zingy guy but you just don’t see him around enough. He spends a lot of time with his Russian girlfriend. I thought he was gay but maybe in Soviet Russia, girlfriend fuck you! Shaelan may or may not still run a pretty good show at Wahoo’s in Huntington Beach. You get paid in cinnamon churro chips but that’s more than I get for this show. Shaelan wears that beanie because his hairline is running away from that awful bicep tat. If Joey loses, it will be a major upset.
And in our Main Event, Pat Barker (3-1, 11) is back to take on Toby Muresianu (2-2, 38)!
Excited for this battle! Last time we saw Pat Barker was when he was charbroiling Alex Duong, (2-2, 37). The last time Toby graced the stage, Leah Kayajanian (2-1, 31) placed a pillow over his face and snuffed him out. I love both these dudes. They are good guys, very funny comics and great roasters. Both are Joke of the Night winners. Pat’s jokes tend to carry on but more often than not pack a knockout punchline. Toby is good writer but has the on-stage charisma of a damp paper towel. I think it will go to three rounds but I give Pat the edge.
I am 37-23 in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Shout to the Great Photog for the beautiful photos. Follow us on the only IG backed by the Report, tweet us @roastbattle or email firstname.lastname@example.org for questions/concerns/other stuff.