Roast Battle is back to fire up the Belly Room as August winds down!
There’s another episode of Jeff Ross Presents Roast Battle on Comedy Central tonight, featuring our first judge, Mike Lawrence. There’s a strong possibility his opponent, Tony Hinchcliffe, might show up and keep their beef hot. We also have Jessica Pilot, who’s an accomplished producer, writer and the current talent booker for CBS. She’s definitely going to see a lot of talent tonight. Finally, we have Frank Castillo, the Season 2 champ and a Roast Battle Hall-of-Famer (should one of those ever get built). We’ve got a stacked line up of battles for the bloodthirsty fans. Let’s roast!
To kick off tonight’s verbal violence, Zach “The Sack” Stein takes on Timothy “Faded Glory” McGorry.
After a hot streak of knocking out big bad Belly Room bruisers, Zach Stein lowers his aim to the underwhelming undercarder, Timothy McGorry. McGorry has had double losses as well as regular losses to some of the worst battlers ever to step foot on a Roast Battle stage. By all reason, Zach should be able to easily annihilate this hapless half-wit. However, Roast Battle has seen many a surprising upset over the years. So there might, maybe, possibly be some small fraction of a chance of a possibility we slip into an alternate universe where Tim doesn’t blow it. There’s a far better chance that this be an entertaining contest. Zach puts the fun in functional alcoholic and Tim puts the pot in potbelly. Which of these two losers will walk feeling like a winner for a little bit? Find out tonight!
The second undercard pits Movses “Sugar Daddy” Shakarian against Dylan “Sully” Sullivan.
This will be a fun fight. Dylan Sullivan is likable, funny and has had only good moments in past battles. The same can be said for Movses Shakarian. I don’t even want to make fun of these two, but it’s kinda my job. These are two very different kinds of gay dudes. In the gay community, Dylan is what you would call a big fat guy. Movses is Armenian and Dylan is a tub of Cool Whip. Movses has a Russian husband half his age and half Dylan’s waist size. Movses refers to the time his husband didn’t use lube as The Red Scare. If Dylan were a Russian doll that shit would go on forever. Dylan looks like he sucks dick just for the creamy treat at the end. These tenacious tarts will limp wrist slapping the fuck out of each other. It’s not hate crime if they’re both gay.
In the final undercard, Lou “The Suit” Misiano throws down with Isaac “Lowenstein, Goldberg and” Hirsch.
Lou Misiano always wears a suit to do battle, and I used to wonder why. Then I found this picture of him and realized he’s been thoroughly shamed for whatever it is he’s wearing here. Lou’s skills include wearing a suit, wearing a smile, and having the confidence of a much more talented person. Lou has had good showings in his first couple battles. Isaac Hirsch has never had a good showing, look at him. Joking aside, Isaac is one of the best up-and-coming battlers on the scene, and he has two Roastie nominations this year alone to prove it. Lou looks like Isaac after coming out of Steve Urkel’s transformation chamber. And all they told Isaac is he was gonna take a shower. It’s J. Crew versus J-ew in this thrilling brawl.
In the first of two main events, Leah “The Bird” Kayajanian will trade five jokes with Jeff “Likes Sports” Sewing.
This is a rematch from a pre-TV era of the show. Rematches are extremely rare in Roast Battle, which is an indication that this will be a great fight. The last rematch we saw was Alex Duong Vs. Robin Tran on Comedy Central. So if you saw that, you know how rematches usually go. And if you didn’t see it, come out from under the rock in which you’ve been living and watch some quality television. Jeff Sewing went all the way to the final four of the most recent tournament and Leah Kayajanian won the first tournament, further evidence of how good this battle will be. Jeff presents a specific writing challenge that we call the Stuart Thompson effect. He’s basically a boring white dude without much to make fun of. Having said that, Leah has been friends with Jeff for years so rest assured she has some dirt on him. These are two of the most brutal battlers, and we can’t wait to see what they have in store for us tonight.
And in our final main event Toby “Hard to Pronounce Last Name” Muresianu goes three rounds with Jamar “Hood” Neighbors.
If all those battles weren’t already enough, we get this surefire barnburner. It will be a three round slobber knocker of a main event. This is a true summer blockbuster. The story here is that Toby Muresianu lost the title to Nicole Becannon at the end of the May. Nicole then went on to lose the title only a few weeks later to Jamar Malachi Neighbors in a raucous rumble. Nicole and Jamar both went on to battle for the Comedy Central show. Meanwhile, Toby has been waiting to seize his moment and the title he lost only a couple months ago. Jamar is one of the funniest motherfuckers to ever compete in the Thunderdome, and Toby is a plodding sniper who’s ravaged Roast Battle giants. Their styles could not be more different. Jamar is a pure performer who creates tension out of what crazy thing might come out of his mouth next. Toby is much more technical, a surgeon of sentences. It’s word economy versus low income in this wild heavyweight banger.
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11:30 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.