March 2017 was an eventful month in the Belly Room. You had
Dan Nolan and Doug Fager dueling it out in a classic three round fight, Pat
Barker and Jay Light struggling to find their footing in a battle strife with
awkward energy, and Albert Escobedo running his record to an unprecedented 8-0
before hopping on a plane and moving back to Indiana to pursue true love and
rent at ¼th the cost. The Comedy Store was, as always, home to
some of the best roast jokes of all time. It was across the country, however,
where the biggest Roast Battle developments went down. On March 7, Roast Battle
flew out three of their best – Barker, Keith Carey, and Alex Hooper – to do
battle on the Roastmasters show at The Stand. After an aggressive callout from
the New York champion Eli Sairs, Los Angeles wasted no time in putting together
the Dream Team and making travel arrangements. The results were mixed as Barker
and Carey pulled out victories over Christi Chiello and Scott Chaplain,
respectively, but Hooper came up short in his title unification bout with
Sairs. All the gold currently resides in New York City, but that might not last
long as rumblings of a Big Apple Invasion on May 23 permeate through the Store.
The battles are unknown at this point, but it appears as though the bi-coastal
war has only just begun.

In honor of the new cross-country beef, the rankings will be
expanding and will now also feature a separate New York Top 25 (provided by a
panel of top secret Roastmasters insiders). After a full year of LA
exclusivity, it’s a necessary change. We’ve also slightly amended the rule that
only Roast Battle-branded fights count towards records, and will now be
acknowledging Roastmasters results for any Los Angeles battlers who make that
long flight and step in the ring at The Stand. Without further ado, here’s
volume 13 of the power rankings.

Los Angeles Top Ten

1. Frank Castillo 13-9
2. Alex Hooper 13-5
3. Pat Barker 12-4-2
4. Joe Dosch 11-8-1
5. Toby Muresianu 8-3-1
6. Doug Fager 7-4-1
7. Olivia Grace 7-4-1
8. Omid Singh 13-6
9. Connor McSpadden 10-5-1
10. Anna Valenzuela 8-2

Frank Castillo stays at number one, even as he slides into a
weekly spot at the judges table. Will he return to the ring any time soon? No
one really seems to know, but for now the #1 spot is secure with The Champ.
Alex Hooper remains at 2 despite his New York defeat, as the Committee comes to
the conclusion that losses on enemy turf, much like losses on television,
shouldn’t impact rankings too much. Similarly, Barker’s NY win, coupled with
his struggles in his draw with Jay Light, end in a stalemate and he stays at
the three spot. Doug Fager jumps from 9 to 6 with his win over Dan Nolan, and
Connor McSpadden reenters the Top Ten (and becomes the eighth member of the 10
Win Club) with a victory over the returning Rich Slaton.

New York Top Ten

1. Eli Sairs 7-1
2. Zac Amico 9-3
3. JP McDade 6-5
4. Scott Chaplain 3-6
5. Evan Williams 4-4
6. Patrick Schroeder 6-1
7. Christi Chiello 4-8
8. Mike Feeney 3-2
9. Joel Walkowski 3-4
10. Erik Bergstrom 2-3

Speaking on behalf of a city that hasn’t seen much of these
guys battle, the Top Ten leaves us with a bunch of names familiar from Comedy
Central and a few who didn’t make the television cut. Unified World Roasting
Champion Eli Sairs clocks in at number one, as expected, and the man he beat
for the belt (and all-time New York wins leader) Zac Amico follows. JP McDade,
who LA fans might remember from his Comedy Store clashes with Connor McSpadden
and Jay Light, debuts at #3. His opponent this week, Scott Chaplain, clocks in
at 4, meaning that New York is set for a hell of a main event and probably some
rankings movement next month. One striking thing from this list is that only
five of New York’s top ten carries a winning record, while everyone on the LA
list is several games over .500. This speaks strongly to the strength of
schedule in New York, as it seems their top guys battle only other top guys.
While the New York roster lacks the depth of Los Angeles, their top ten are all
killers. If you don’t believe me, check YouTube. That’s the great thing about
Roastmasters – almost all of their fights are available to watch and get to
know their scene.

Los Angeles 11-20

11. Kim Congdon 8-3
12. Jay Light 12-10-1
13. Keith Carey 12-11
14. Albert Escobedo 8-0
15. Alex Duong 7-5
16. Jeff Sewing 4-0-1
17. Tom Goss 5-4
18. Leah Kayajanian 7-8-1
19. Jamar Neighbors 4-3
20. Robbie Goodwin 6-0

Jay Light’s misfire against Pat Barker ended in a draw and
didn’t cost him any ground as a result. Albert Escobedo’s record-extending win
catapults him to a career-best position of #14. While The Committee was quick
to dump Quentin Moscaritolo from the rankings when he moved to Massachusetts, Escobedo
already has two return flights and battles booked this year so he gets to stay.
On a related note, Moscaritolo will be back in the ring this month and will be
reinstated to the rankings upon his return. Alex Duong’s thrashing of Esther Ku
also moves him into his best all-time spot at 15. Duong’s continued improvement
and recent run of dominance should earn him a Top Ten opponent soon. The rest
of the bracket remains in tact, with the only notable change being the
disappearance of Rena Hundert as she falls off the list due to inactivity.

New York 11-20

11. Ariel Elias 2-1
12. Subhah Agarwal 3-1
13. Aaron Berg 3-2
14. Corey Reppond 5-2
15. Kerryn Feehan 3-5
16. Dina Hashem 2-1
17. Pete Lee 1-2
18. Jono Zalay 3-1
19. Rosebud Baker 3-1
20. Katie Hannigan 2-0

While the top NY bracket was filled with established vets
and Roast Battle TV credits, the second bracket seems to be home to the rising
stars of the Roastmasters show. The Roast Battle vs. Roastmasters war is
starting at the top, but hopefully we see some of the newer New York battlers
try their hand in cross-country warfare soon enough.

Los Angeles 21-30

21. Jeanne Whitney 5-2
22. Evan Cassidy 5-2
23. Dan Nolan 9-7
24. Ramsey Badawi 3-1
25. Rich Slaton 4-4
26. Galina Rivina 4-1
27. Bryan Vokey 4-0
28. Nicole Aimee Schreiber 3-0
29. Brent Duncan 5-3
30. Jacob Trimmer 4-1

Dan Nolan’s record evens out with his February Roastmasters
win over Richie Gaines being added to the tally, but it was his Battle of the
Month with Doug Fager that most people will remember. While he took a tough
loss, most battle fans agree it was one of the best Dan Nolan performances we’ve
ever seen. He stays at 23 because of it. Rich Slaton, who had previously fallen
off the list due to inactivity, returned and also suffered a tough loss, his at
the hands of Connor McSpadden. In a battle Slaton dominated early, he left the
door open just wide enough for McSpadden to steal a victory. Slaton’s record
falls to 4-4 and he reemerges at the 25 spot. Galina Rivina walked into an easy
win, as Tony Bartolone dug himself an early hole with a disastrous
Trump-Hitler-Putin sketch as an intro that bombed as bad as anything in the
history of the room. His loss is her gain as she jumps six spots to 26. Bryan
Vokey continued his undefeated run with an overtime with over Jesse Villacis
and jumped eight spots to 27. Vokey’s business model of racking up wins against
unranked opponents has worked out pretty well for Albert Escobedo and Robbie
Goodwin before him – now to see if his quality of opponents take a step up, or
just how high he can run his total if they don’t. Potential Rookie of the Year
Jacob Trimmer closes out the bracket with an impressive main event win over
Greg Roque, leaping nine spots to 30.

New York 21-25

21. Emily Winter 2-0
22. Jay Welch 2-2
23. Eli Yudin 2-0
24. Ian Hunt 2-0
25. Mookie Thompson 2-0

The inaugural Roastmasters list concludes with a string of
undefeated newcomers (and Jay Welch). The final name on the list is one to
watch, as Mookie Thompson will be part of a coast vs. coast battle this month
when he takes on 23-fight veteran Jay Light at The Stand in NYC.

Los Angeles 31-50

31. Logan Guntzelman 3-0
32. Lonnie Johnson 4-2
33. Tony Bartolone 4-4
34. Guam Felix 6-3
35. Caesar Lizardo 4-2
36. Leah Lamarr 3-0
37. Greg Roque 3-2
38. David Deery 1-2-2
39. Mark Stevens 4-2
40. Nick Petrillo 4-3

The less said about Bartolone’s entrance, the better. He
only drops four spots with the loss instead of the more customary 6-7 because,
objectively speaking, his jokes were strong enough to win. Who knows if Tony
will ever settle down into simply telling roast jokes every battle, and who
knows if he even SHOULD? His ballsy theatrics have resulted in both total disaster
and completely magical room-rocking insanity. It’s a very thin line and he’s
been firmly on both sides of it. Guam Felix’s losing streak continued at 3, but
his performance against Albert Escobedo was definitely a step in the right
direction after a couple of recent slip-ups. Caesar Lizardo’s transformation
from one of the most unlikable people in the room to one of its most endearing
figures has been truly stunning. In running his win streak to 4, he jumps up
nine spots to a career-best 35. Greg Roque slips from 33 to 37 after his main
event loss to Jacob Trimmer, and Mark Stevens reenters the fourth bracket,
jumping from 46 to 39 after a convincing win over Michael Schirtzer.

41. Lindsey Jennings 4-5-1
42. Richie Gaines 4-3
43. Joe Eurell 4-5-1
44. David Lucas 2-0
45. Casey Ley 2-0
46. Hana Michels 2-0
47. Kayla Rosenberg 1-0-1
48. Matt LeGrande 3-4
49. Rachel Mac 2-1
50. Zach Stein 2-1

As always, we wrap up the rankings with a few new faces.
David Lucas took on judges, haters, and his opponent en route to a dominant win
and 2-0 record. His performance was bold, loud, and fucking hilarious. Hana
Michels also got to 2-0 and did it in the exact opposite way as David, at least
in terms of style. Her meek and timid delivery against Danielle Perez managed
to rock the room just as much, and was buoyed by her top-notch joke writing. Lastly,
Zach Stein sneaks on to the list after a killer undercard earlier in the month.

And there you have it! The March 2017 rankings are official.
For record corrections, contact Jay Light, Pat Barker, Frank Castillo, or Keith
Carey. February is going to be another stacked month of battles at The Comedy
Store, so make sure you’re there live or watching on Periscope every Tuesday

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