The updated Roast Rankings
are here! Today’s preview hinted at the return of the rankings and gave you a
sneak peak at the Top Ten (highlighted by tonight’s epic 1 vs. 2 matchup), but
it’s time to unleash the entire list with a little bit of commentary. We’re
waiting on a fancy graphic like last time with Twitter handles and all that,
but for now a little copy-and-paste action will have to do.

A few quick notes first:
1) These records are current to the absolute best of my knowledge. If your
record looks wrong, let Josh Waldron, Jay Light, or Pat Barker know and we’ll
figure it out in time for the next release. 2) The records do include battles from
this winter’s invitational tournament. 3) There’s a committee involved in this,
so these rankings do not necessarily reflect any one person’s point of view.
The list you see was the result of many fiery discussions. If you’ve never taken
15 minutes out of your life to have a passionate debate on David Deery vs. Mark
Stevens, you wouldn’t understand (Side note: I don’t recommend actually doing
that, it was a momentous waste of my life). 4) These rankings are meant to
spark interest, debate, and anger. So if you don’t like your rating, definitely
get worked up and fist fight someone over it.

1. Leah Kayajanian 6-2-1
2. Alex Hooper
3. Pat Barker
4. Keith Carey
5. Connor
McSpadden 5-2
6. Omid Singh
7. Joe Dosch
8. Jay Light
9. Toby Muresianu
10. Tom Goss

A solid Top Ten if ever
there was one. Top overall battler Leah Kayajanian ran through an impressive
gauntlet en route to winning the Roast Battle tournament, and now defends her
top spot against former #1 Alex Hooper. Pat Barker’s tournament finals run
helps him land at #3, while Keith Carey (4) and Jay Light (8) reap the benefits
of their all-time classic last week. Connor McSpadden’s impressive three-match
dominant streak lands him at 5, while Omid Singh’s tournament bounceback a few
weeks ago puts him in the six spot. Joe Dosch is a familiar face at 7, while the
criminally underappreciated Toby Muresianu and Tom Goss round out the Top Ten.

11. Kim Congdon
12. Dan Nolan
13. Frank
Castillo 7-5
14. Doug Fager
15. Olivia
Grace 4-2-1
16. Guam Felix
17. Jerron
Horton 4-4
18. Stuart
Thompson 4-3
19. Rena Hundert
20. Pete Cornacchione

Kim Congdon’s insane 6-0
start was derailed a bit with back-to-back losses to Pete Cornacchione (20) and
Omid Singh but solid performances have her on the precipice of the Top Ten. Dan
Nolan came back from consecutive losses with a solid win over Alex Duong to
lock up the 12 spot. Frank Castillo (13) and Stuart Thompson (18) will return to battle soon in a hotly contested main event after recent first round tournament losses. Doug Fager’s last two battles after returning from retirement showed no ring rust, and a battle with a fellow Top 20 competitor should be in the cards. Olivia Grace’s Riot return proved that she can still roast
with the best, even if it’ll be a while before she’s back in the ring at the
Belly Room. Guam Felix’s 5-0 record is worthy of a higher ranking, but his
quality of opponents has seriously been lacking compared to other people on the
list, dropping him to #16. Jerron Horton’s 4-4 mark is one of the most deceiving on the list, as he always delivers quality performances. Rena Hundert’s 3-0 start includes a main event win,
which sets her apart from a few other 3-0 folks we’ll see later and secures a
Top 20 rank for her. Pete Cornacchione’s tournament loss to Joe Dosch comes with a big asterisk, as the Dave Chappelle-assisted overtime proved an awkward way to crown a winner.

21. Jeanne
Whitney 4-1
22. Quentin
Moscaritolo 3-0
23. Tony Bartolone
24. Ramsey
Badawi 2-0
25. Hormoz
Rashidi 3-4-1
26. Jeff Sewing
27. Evan Cassidy
28. Adam Feuerberg
29. Joe Eurell
30. Luke Schwartz

Jeanne Whitney (21) showed
in her last battle vs. Michael Schirtzer that it’s possible to win a main event
and still not move the needle if the battle quality wasn’t high enough. Still,
her 4-1 overall record is plenty impressive. Three newer battlers slide in to
spots 22-24 with shiny undefeated records. Next stop: main events and stiffer
competition. Hormoz Rashidi’s huge tournament upset over Jay Light buoyed him
to the 25 spot, while Jeff Sewing proves that you can be ranked very high with
only one win (provided it was against #1 overall Leah Kayajanian). Adam
Feuerberg’s had two very impressive wins but hasn’t battled in a while, and
could eventually be the first battler kicked off of the list for violation of
the committee’s “No battles in the last eight months” inactivity policy.
Everyone’s favorite special needs comic Joe Eurell rebounded from consecutive
losses with an impressive win last time, and claims a Top 30 spot as a result.

31. Anna Valenzuela
32. Robbie
Kirkhuff 2-0
33. Ryan Broems
34. Alex Duong
35. David
Deery 0-1-1
36. Tony Alfano
37. Sina Amedson
38. Mark Stevens
39. Nick Petrillo
40. Mike Schmidt

Anna Valenzuela (31)
debuted with an Undercard of the Year candidate but has been unable to fully
recreate that magic since with solid but unspectacular battles. Five 2-0
battlers occupy the 31-40 spots, separated mainly by quality of opponents. At
least three of those five will be in action before May, so expect a lot of
movement in this part of the list come next month. Alex Duong’s recent loss to
Dan Nolan set him back, but he’ll be back on stage against a Top 20 opponent in
the coming weeks which should give him a lot of room to move up the list with a
win. David Deery clocks in at #35 despite not actually winning a battle yet.
Sometimes two absolute classic battles are worth more than a “W” or an “L”. The
committee faced a tough decision on whether to include Sina Amedson’s recent
dominance as the Saudi Prince, but eventually decided that his alter ego’s
performances would not count.

41. Brendan
Cooney 2-2
42. Ken Garr
43. Robin
Tran 1-2
44. Josh Waldron
45. Izzy Salhani
46. Valerie
Tosi 1-0
47. Sameer
Suri 1-0
48. Harry
Moroz 2-2
49. Robbie
Goodwin 1-0
50. Sarah
Afkami 1-0

Brendan Cooney’s main
event experience lands him at the top of our final chunk of battlers, and Ken
Garr’s recent convincing undercard win has him following closely behind. Robin
Tran’s 1-2 record is one of only six losing marks on the entire list, but her
losses have been tough ones against Top Tier opponents. Four of the final five
spots belong to folks who have only battled once but made a huge impact in the
process. Their return fights will all be highly anticipated.

Thanks for reading the
inaugural Top 50 Power Rankings. I hope we’ve created a sufficient amount of controversy
and debate. What did we get wrong? Feel free to make your opinions known!

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