It’s going to be a scorcher in the Belly Room tonight, between the heat outside and the heat onstage, we’re in for a hot night.

The first battle of the night is a virgin suicide featuring a guy so generically Caucasian his last name is actually White against a self-proclaimed fitness model. Zachary White versus Robyn Blake. Zachary White looks about as interesting as drywall, and probably has the same amount of charisma. He’s from the OC, so hopefully he drank from the same fountain of awesome as the other greats we’ve seen come out of Orange County. Robyn lists her biceps as credits, and could definitely beat Zachary in a physical fight, but we’ll see if she has the brawn and the brains to pull off a W. Both these battlers are untested, so it’s anyone’s match.

Next up we have Paul Elia returning to the ring after a narrow loss to take on Austin Hall. Paul is a seasoned comic with a few solid battles under his belt. While he technically lost his last battle against DJ Demers, the judges voted for Paul and the bleeding heart audience went with the hearing impaired Demers. Austin Hall looks like he got cut from Jersey Shore Family Reunion for being “too ethnic.” He posts stupid, misogynistic videos under the guise of “comedy,” so my vote is with Paul on this one.

Our main event features OG Pat Barker versus rising star Jeff Sewing. Pat needs no introduction. He’s Roast Battle royalty, having held the #1 position, written for every season of Roast Battle, appeared on Season 2, written for HBO…the credits are endless. Pat is a feared competitor who’s earned his stripes as one of the best. He’s coming off a loss, and I know he’s out for blood. Jeff Sewing has made a name for himself as a fierce battler having made it far in the tournament. He’s also coming off a loss, to Roast Battle darling Nicole Becannon. While losing to Nicole has become a standard in the Roast Battle arena, Jeff put up an impressive fight, and I’m certain he’ll come at Pat with everything he has. Pat has experience under his belt, but Jeff has that underdog advantage. This is anyone’s fight, but I’d give the edge to Pat. Either way, it’s going to be a bloodbath.

Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11:30 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.

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