Whoa, two posts in a row? Apologies from everyone here at the Roast Report (mostly me). ‘Twas a busy week last week but that’s no excuse to delay my coverage of such a great battle night. Check it out here, now complete with JOTN winners! Tonight should be hot. Four battles. Some veterans and newbies alike. We do have a Battle Spotlight!
That lead pic is the very funny Kimberly Congdon (5-0, 3). She doesn’t need much intro from this douche because she is one of our best battlers and a fixture at the Comedy Store. She was a Kill Tony girl for the last two years and just “graduated” to the next level of the club’s ladder to success. On that show, she was challenged to write a new minute of stand-up per week and then perform it in front of some of the best comedians in the world. 2 years of that? 104 minutes? That’s a special, a half-hour and some deleted scenes. She also knows when to fight the good fight. She’s seen here wearing a custom titee shirt. These place women’s breasts on a t-shirt to wear and post on social media if they please. This is all a part of the Free The Nipple movement, a campaign already up there in our hearts with ending prohibition and legalizing pot. Check the web site and mission statement to get a better grasp and order a titee today!
After sneaking boobs into the report for the first time that weren’t Keith Carey’s, let’s get to some previews.
This is a bit of #tbt for the Roastmaster. He’s very bald now but I couldn’t really find a good bald one. Before you send me one or say it would be easy to find one, I looked for like 12 seconds. This is just a good pic. Jeff is the best. He helps Moses keep it going, has a mysterious scoring system and is one of the funnest dudes ever. Lucky us. Make sure you’re still checking out his latest special, which was dominating the Tunes for quite some time.
Welcome back, Steve Byrne! Steve is a regular judge and always super funny. He’s usually a fair judge and gets the process unlike some judges past. He’s also a super chummy guy with the other judges and that always makes for a better show. He has three specials on iTunes and tours all over the country. Check out more info on his site!
Bret Ernst, back so soon?! Bret is a very funny comedian and super nice guy. He hosts a pretty funny podcast that you should check out. Here he is standing near his name at the Comedy Store, something I would do all the time if my name was on the wall. Which is probably why it’s not there. Aww, this got sad. Anyway, super psyched to have him at the judges table!
Our first undercard has Quentin Moscaritolo (0-0, UR) versus Reggie Reyes (0-0, UR)
Not sure what to expect here. We have to very not black guys with names usually reserved for black guys so all bets are off. I’m not too familiar with these two but I think they’re OC comics. As we all know OC comics are the most psychologically damaged so they usually make the best roasters. Quentin just goes by Quentin and seems to have a happy non-comedian life and everything. Let’s go to Reggie’s Twitter for the scoop!
“I won’t eat gummy bears because there’s a certain president that I hate who loves them. #hate” – Reggie Reyes, July 10th. One fav.
That logic will probably get him far. I’m just gonna pick Reggie because he doesn’t have a girlfriend or the word “jokes” in his twitter handle.
Undercard #2 has Chris Kershaw (0-0, UR) giving Mike Citera (1-0, 81 ) another chance!
Hey some people I know! Both of these guys are…comedians. Chris is a buddy but I might not have ever seen perform. He’s nice though and funny in conversation. On the surface he seems like every frat boy you’ve ever met but deep down he’s the brother of that frat boy who didn’t get into college but still hangs out. I’m really interested in seeing how Mike does. Legend has it, before the report, he went up against Matt Taylor (0-1, 127), scourge of the Comedy Store. I’m told it was not good and Matt didn’t even finish the battle. So a solid win Mike? Mike is a good comedian and runs pretty good shows around town. The pick is Chris.
Our third undercard pits Brendan Cooney (1-0, 46) against Pedro Salinas (0-0, UR)!
See? That’s how you Facebook. I need ample pictures of you and a microphone and these two crushed it. Super excited for this battle. Both of these guys are super funny comedians and great people. Brendan is pictured at the Show Up Go Up show on Sundays at 1030pm. If you don’t get how it works by the name, I can’t help ya. It’s a great, easygoing, usually well-attended mic. Brendan is very funny. He has a political side I am unfamiliar with. And 26k followers on Twitter?
K pop for the win! Pedro should be great. He’s a very funny joke writer and an interesting guy. Check the What I Hate About You podcast for more dirt on him. Brendan probably did. I gotta pick Brendan here.
And in our Main Event, mighty Doug Fager (3-0, 13) takes his undefeated record against Roast Battle favorite Jay Light (6-3, 7)!
We have ourselves a dandy, folks. This battle features a combined 9-3 record and features two great comedians. Jay, we all know, has a past littered with the bodies of challengers and now faces maybe his toughest challenge yet. Doug beat me way back when and you can read about that here. His jokes were so on point and specific. He crushed Leah Kayajanian (2-2, 36) and she’s an EXCELLENT battler. I think Jay wanted to beat the guy that beat me to be like “oh this is how battling is done” kinda thing. Good luck, buddy. Let this show how nice I am or am not or whether it’s personal. Jay is one of my closest friends in comedy and I NEVER pick him. I really think Doug has the upper hand here and that’s not a dig at Jay’s height. Should be a fantastic battle. Cant wait.
I am 46-28 in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Shout to the Great Photog for the beautiful photos. Follow us on the only IG backed by the Report, tweet us@roastbattle or email firstname.lastname@example.org for questions/concerns/other stuff.