As the Belly Room regulars get ready to see the newest crop of rising talent duke it out in the upcoming tournament, we’ve got a night with some hungry young fighters ready to prove their worth, capped off by two main events with some of the sport’s mainstays. Let’s get into the action.
First up is a virgin suicide between BFFs and co-showrunners Karina Reyes and Destiny Lalane. What better way to start off Women’s History Month than with two women trying to make each other history? These two spritely lasses produce shows together, keep each other honest, and surely know a ton of roast-ready dirt on each other. It’s always hard to gauge whether or not a virgin suicide will be captivating or cringeworthy, but my hope – as always – is that this fight turns out to be a fun opener.
After that, we have Garrett Ulrich versus Kenan Kaya in the battle of who looks more like they sleep at a skatepark. Garrett and Kenan have both been in the Roast Battle ring, and have turned in solid performances in their previous shows. Now, these two Long Beach bums hope to knock the other one out. No helmet, no pads, all jokes.
Our third undercard features Salvatore Fratallone taking on Bear Badeaux. “Sal and Bear’s” sounds like a deli I would never eat at, but I’m a pastrami snob anyway. These two have uneven records in the ring but are ready to serve up some meaty disses and keep clawing their way towards Roast Battle relevance. Keep your eyes peeled for “Sal looks like a rapist” and “Bear can’t please his wheelchair-bound wife” jokes aplenty.
In our final undercard, the incomparable Digits takes on the unknown Madison Grace. Madison, a new battler, is facing a tall order by deciding to fight the dynamic Digits. The rap battler-turned-roaster has embraced the pro wrestling-esque nature of the show better than almost anyone, and has turned mere tics and mannerisms into fearless, foolhardy performance art. Though if Digits is deciding to fight a total newcomer, then she can’t be that bad, right? Fingers crossed that I’m not speaking too soon.
On to the main events! First up is Julian Fernandez versus Ryan Nesen. Julian, one of the sport’s only non-binary fighters, has proven time and time again that they know how to change gears when the time calls for it. They’ve gone from stock and formulaic to performing like themselves with no hiccups – besides the occasional loss – and they should be ready to roll with the Hawaiian Punches. Ryan, a budding Roast Battle heel, has showcased very sharp writing over the course of his relatively short Roast Battle career, and his penchant for extremely cutting jokes has helped set him apart from other battlers of his class. Honestly, this one could be anyone’s game – will the judges side with the big lovably softy or the cold, calculated killer? I can’t wait to find out!
And in the night’s final fight, Tim McGorry takes on “Ram” Paige Wesley, just in time for the return of McRib season. Although Paige and Tim are both coming off off losses, they are top-quality challengers beyond a doubt, and if you’re a number cruncher, consistently swing way above their “weight class” rankings-wise. They’re big targets who take hits well and dish them out with relish. You couldn’t pick a more perfect fight to end a night in the Belly Room than this one. Hot dog!