We live in a strange time. A time where the Academy of Motion Pictures is afraid to have a comedian host their golden statue circle jerk, but the president can say whatever he wants without consequence. The line between prophetic voice of a generation and crazy crackhead screaming into the wind is becoming increasingly blurred. There’s one freedom that has yet to be infringed on in this mixed up modern time, and that’s the fact that you can call somebody mean names in a dark room upstairs at the World Famous Comedy Store on Tuesday nights.
People often ask how you book a Roast Battle. What is required to participate in the carnival of free speech? Basically, all you need is a loose understanding of the show and a little bravery. You just need to be prepared for people to make fun of you. Some people call this bullying, but that’s ridiculous considering the battlers sign a release before battling. When I was nine years old and being tortured by cruel kids on the playground, I don’t remember signing any paperwork. In fact, there was no suggestion of my consent whatsoever. If we’re going to have all this progressive dialog about consent, it should be considered when people throw around half-baked accusations against something as innocuous as a weekly comedy show.
In my estimation, intrusive advertising is a closer relative to bullying than Roast Battle. The way the government spends their money, while people go hungry in the streets, that’s much closer to bullying. America is a big bully. It’s ingrained deep in our culture. Slavery was bullying. Putting Japanese-Americans in camps during World War II is bullying. Letting the economy collapse while scamming honest, hard-working Americans out of their homes, that can be called bullying. Finding old tweets and costing somebody their job just because they expressed some controversial ideas many years ago. That is bullying. Roast Battle is just good ol’ clean American fun. Let’s meet our judges…
It’ll be a stellar night as far as the judges go. First of all, we have an old Belly Room favorite fresh off shooting her brand new HBO special, she’s an OG RB killer, Kim Congdon. She will be joined by the former host of Roastmasters in New York and current host of the Legion of Skanks podcast, Luis J. Gomez. Joining them will be the Roastmaster General Jeff Ross and he’s a bringing a friend. I have it on good authority that a certain comedian from The Drew Carey Show will be passing judgment. If you want another hint, he is a regular at the Playboy Mansion and currently hosts The Price Is Right on NBC. If you still don’t know who I’m talking about, you have just been unfrozen from the past or sent back from the distant future. Either way, welcome to 2019 and come to the Belly Room tonight to see a huge star from our time. Let’s Roast!
Our first virgin sacrifice features Victoria Frydman assaulting Jake Gallo.
At first, I had a hard time finding any info on this couple of comedy wannabes. But after continuing to Google and scour various social media platforms, I wish I had given up. I don’t think either of these two comics have battled before, and I’m not entirely convinced they are indeed comics. Jake Gallo has some videos of him performing on Youtube, which proves he’s spoken into a mic while holding a beer. However, I haven’t seen in evidence that he does stand up comedy. Victoria Frydman, on the other hand, is a real estate agent who’s performed once (back in October) at the Westside Comedy Theater in a show called Virgin Sacrifice. She was the titular virgin. So she’s been doing comedy less than a year, and I’m sure she’ll be hilarious. People always have the capacity to surprise you, especially on this show, but I predict the judges land way more punches than the competitors in this one.
Taking us to the middle of our (hopefully ascending) card, Shaun Keren attempts to dismember Josh Edelman.
Tonight’s battlers have less internet presence than a dad that just walked out on his Sims family. At least these guys are vaguely recognizable open mikers in the scene. They are both virgins, and it’s also unclear if they’ve ever battled before. They seem like lovable goofballs, hopefully they’ll be able to prove their ability to write a joke tonight. They’ve been grinding it out at mics, so it’s time to turn those skills to thrills in the comedy Thunderdome. They ought be funny because look at them, they have nothing else.
Finally, in what should be the battle of the night, the likable Dylan Sullivan goes tummy-to-tummy with the hateable Zach Stein.
Zach and Dylan have mixed records, but they are pretty consistently enjoyable in the ring. Stein is hurting for a win like the dominatrix who was depending on him for rent money is hurting for him to break up with his girlfriend. Sullivan is like an adorable baby who’s been abandoned by his dad and raised by West Hollywood bears. Zach is like a snottty little tattle-tell who was raised by by the Tea Party. Both these guys are funny as fuck and thirsty for the spotlight, so tonight they get to prove their worth. Will Zach suffer another narrow defeat or will Dylan suffer the fury of Zach’s frustrations? Tune in tonight to find out.
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, subscribe to our podcast, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from our fights, and watch live on Periscope at 11:30 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.