Welp. Bracket is busted again. My picks in non-tourney battles are sparkling but I cannot seem to get a beat on these tourney matches. No one can. Except Tom Goss (3-2, 33) who has the only perfect bracket after just one match. Looks like I won’t win that spot on The Hella Show on January 29th, 2016. Not much else to go over. LA Speedweed now sponsors the whole show.That’s something we can all get behind. Head here for a quick, low-cost way to legally enjoy medical cannabis then have it delivered to wherever you’re reading this! Hopefully you’re at a Wendy’s, our next targeted sponsor. And now, a Troy Conrad/Negro Wave magic trick! Welcome back, Troy!
Jamar Neighbors (2-2, 21) with the “pledge”.
And, of course, the “turn”.
And finally, the “prestige” of making a Willie Hunter (1-3, 127) appear out of feathers!
That was presh.
In the first undercard of the evening, Travis Hanley (1-0, 115) edged out Mikey Gordon (0-1, 155) !
There was a lot to process after this battle. It started off with Travis countering a shot from a solo Jason Sklar.
“Moses, I took one look at him and thought ‘I have to go to the Verizon store’.” – Jason
“Is that one of the Sklar brothers? I can’t tell it’s you without your brother feigning interest.” – Travis
Damn, did he know Jason would be there sans Randy? Not a lot of jokes in this battle. Travis had one hit but got bigger reactions when he called out judges.
TRAVIS ON MIKEY
“You’d think Mikey would be better dressed, having spent his whole life in the closet.”
“I just find it hard to believe he’s making fun of my appearance when he looks like little orphan Trannie.”
The second one is what won round the round for him. Mikey’s first joke pretty much repeated Travis’ first joke. A veteran comedian might bail on a premise that was just used in this situation but remember, this is an adult male who chooses to be called Mikey, so decision-making is suspect at best.
MIKEY ON TRAVIS
“This motherfucker’s so deep in the closet, he found Narnia.”
“I don’t if I’m here to roast Paula Poundstone or George Washington’s lesbian daughter.”
Wow. December 8th, 2015 is the day we’ll all remember the first and last Paula Poundstone reference in the Roast Battle. The real winner was Coach T for the drops and whoever referred to Mikey as “Carrot Bottom”.
? /? ? ?! One good “Annie” joke away from a zero.
In the second undercard, RAAB! (1-2, 126) fell to Brent Duncan!
Another battle between comedians who could have been separated at birth. Another battle where one joke probably prevented a draw. Brent had the right energy and two of his jokes got the room going.
BRENT ON RAAB
“You look like a wizard who dropped out of Hogwarts after he learned the spell for LSD.”
“When Raab moved here he bought himself a scooter. So now he can avoid LA traffic and pussy.”
Love those two jokes but he had some bombs. Raab had all bombs. Earl tried to save the round with a quick joke and Raab sunk that ship as well.
RAAB ON BRENT
“Brent is living proof that his mom’s vagina sculpted and laid out the Easter Island Statues.”
“Brent’s tattoos foreshadow his comedy career: a shitty concept with him quitting halfway through because he can’t stand the burrrrrrn.”
Welcome to the three win club, Brent!
? / ? ? ?!
And in the opening battle of the second round, Omid Singh (2-0, RBR) eliminated Doug Fager (1-1, RBR)!
And then there were seven. Omid busted all the brackets with as complete a performance we’ve ever seen. This was an all-time battle in regulation. Omid went five for five with amazing jokes including a dirty religious joke.
OMID ON DOUG
“Doug is from Wisconsin and his act is from the internet.”
“I don’t know if Doug is lamest Catholic or coolest Mormon but I know he’s sucking Jesus’ cock.”
“Doug’s idea of writing jokes is typing in Comic Sans.”
“Doug Fager is so white even if he kills me tonight he’ll just be put on administrative leave.”
“You look like your spirit animal has an underbite.”
December 8th, 2015 is the day we’ll all remember the first and hopefully last reference to the genitals of a deity. Doug had some hot moments but he stumbled on his “Tinder” joke and completely whiffed on another. The strength of his other jokes brought the battle to a joke-off but Doug was out of ammo by then.
OMID ON DOUG
“Omid, you look like the Bollywood version of Paul Giamatti.”
“Because Omid is Indian, the only cows he eats are his Tinder matches.”
“Omid is half Indian and half Iranian. He’s the I.T. guy you call when your vest doesnt explode.”
“Omid is such a hipster he was a fan of the ‘Eagles of Death Metal’ before he shot at them.”
“Omid, I’d like to address the elephant in the room but not before I give you a chance to pray to it.”
These were all great and may have been good enough on another night but Omid would not be denied his spot in the semifinals.
? ? ? / ? ? ?! Omid can now relax until Pat Barker (1-0, RBR) and Hormoz Rashidi (1-0, RBR) duke it out.
WRITER’S JOKE OF THE NIGHT
“Omid is half Indian and half Iranian. He’s the I.T. guy you call when your vest doesnt explode.” – Doug Fager
JUDGE’S JOKE OF THE NIGHT
“Doug Fager is so white even if he kills me tonight he’ll just be put on administrative leave.” – Omid Singh
I am 74-46 in picks and my new tourney bracket is intact! Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Follow show sponsor LA SpeedWeed on Twitter! Shout to the great Troy Conrad for the beautiful photos. Follow us on the only IG backed by the Report, tweet us @roastbattle or email firstname.lastname@example.org for questions/concerns/other stuff.