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by Dan Nolan

And we’re back! After a week in Montreal spent unleashing
the power of verbal violence upon the rest of the world with some huge battles
that are sure to reflect a real shakeup in the rankings when they’re released
tomorrow), Roast Battle returns home to the belly room of the world famous comedy
store with five hot fights, and a stacked panel of veteran judges set to burn
the room up on an otherwise unseasonably cool August night. Let’s meet ‘em! 

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Fresh off the long
flight back from Montreal and a tough loss to Canadian comedy sensation and hilarious bear-person K. Trevor Wilson in TV’s Roast Battle quarterfinals, we’ve got the return of the Golden Pony himself, Netflix’s Tony
Hinchcliffe! Tony’s been both a judge and
competitor, so there are few who measure up to his level of expertise on all
matters roasting. His off-the-cuff quips can often cut quite deep, so
tonight’s forecast will include some hurt feelings. Michael Kosta makes a return
as well, who – along with his previous experience breathing fire from the VIP
section – also has a Comedy Central Presents, appearances on all manner of
late-night television, and even an instructional book on tennis, so tonight’s
battlers can expect to get served by one of the best. Rounding things out is
another Comedy Central Presents and late-night circuit alum, Mo Mandel. Mo
hosts Barmageddon on TruTV, so his reality television experience is sure to be a
plus amidst the unscripted antics of the belly room. 

Now let’s meet tonight’s battlers!

Kicking things off, we’ve got some black-on-black verbal
violence with the untested Lonnie Johnson facing off against fellow African-American person, Tony Asar!

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Roast Battle’s still a new sport, and at the present time it
remains one of the few where black guys are at a huge disadvantage – see also:
hockey, water polo, police chases – so it’s always interesting to see what
happens when the playing field is leveled at the start and the jokes can speak
for themselves. Lonnie has no record, but probably a mixtape, and as for
Tony, despite his only previous battle being a loss to Kyle Gridley in March,
he still showed he’s capable of coming well-equipped with hard hitting jokes.
Tonight we’ll see which one wins, which one loses, and hopefully keep track of
which one’s which.

Next up we’ve got a classic battle of the sexes between
Julian Fernandez and Kaela Crawford.

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Both Julian, seen repping the headshot that helped him land a spot on USA’s “First Impressions with Dana Carvey,” and Kaela Crawford, seen repping the Flappers Yoo-Hoo Room, has no battle history, so there’s no prediction to be made about this
fight. But the unknown is almost always more exciting. The Roast Battle room is
as excited for failure as it is success, and whatever way it goes, we will
surely be entertained. 

Moving on in the undercards, we’re cranking the racial tension
up a notch with Darrin Chase versus Darran Davis!

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Darran Davis, seen above posing for his
post-police-shooting AP file photo, makes his return to the Roast Battle stage
after a rough loss to Richie Gaines a few months back is back for some classic
Roast Battle redemption. Darran’s standup is incredibly original and
refreshing, and one can only hope he’s learned to apply that skillset into
roast joke writing…but it would also be funny if he decided to just close the
battle by simply calling his opponent a faggot again. Darrin Chase is untested in the Roast Battle arena, so
we will see if the standard white guy vs. black guy dynamic holds up, or if the
handicap can be overcome. Also, these guys are both named Darren, and neither
one of them spells it regular, so that’s funny.

Closing out our undercards this evening is an epic clash
between our two of our toughest newcomers. It’s Matt LeGrande vs. Galina
Ravina!

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This is a great matchup. Matt started his Roast Battle
career with two killer undercards, despite his last battle being a loss in
overtime against Rachel Mac in what was really on of the finest fights we’ve
seen in this past year’s undercards, and we can look forward to him continuing
to get another quality battle under his belt with a perfectly worthy opponent.
Galina Ravina made her debut at the end of April by taking down The Improv’s
own Graham Rodgers with some incredibly original jokes. These two definitely
have what it takes, whichever way it goes.

Finally, in our Main Event, we’ve got the Eastside’s Jonathan
Rowell versus the Middle Eastside’s Ramsey Badawi.

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Jonathan Rowell, like David Deery before him, is a rare case
of a battler who can get to Main Event status without winning a single win on
his record. He’s a beloved fixture of the LA alt scene, a hilarious standup,
and a brilliant roast writer with all the right energy for the show. His only
two battles were losses, but they were both undercards against two of our
finest, Connor McSpadden and Jeff Sewing. Ramsey Badawi is coming off a
nomination for best comeback in this year’s “Roastie Awards,” and earned his
Main Event status with epic undercard wins against David Deery and Robin Tran
this past year. It’s another hot fight night in the dog days of summer, and you
can look forward to some bloodshed in the belly room.

Let’s roast!

Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11:30 PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.

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