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by Richie Gaines 

There are all types of gays on Roast Battle tonight: short
gays, tall gays, Jew gays, Mexican gays, in-the-closet gays,
have-gone-gay-for-drugs gays, have-gone-gay-for-money gays,
seems-like-their-just-trying-to-get-attention gays, but most importantly funny
gays. 

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One funny gay sitting on the judge’s table tonight is Joe Dosch! All
right, Joe Dosch! Next to him, taking a break from his position as House Hater
– its Earl Skakel, West Hollywood resident and eye candy for gays! Both Earl and Joe were apart of Roast Battle on Comedy
Central, presented by our final judge of the night, the Roastmaster General himself –
Jeff Ross!

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First up is Robbie Goodwin versus Matt LeGrande. Matt is
used to having his hands full (of dicks) when in West Hollywood, and he most
definitely does tonight. Robbie is on the Albert Escobedo path. He is
undefeated, but has not had the opportunity of proving himself against a heavy
hitting battler. This is not his fault, the other person has to agree to battle
him, but Robbie has confirmed himself as a killer of those on Matt’s level.
Matt most certainly has his comedic and mean strength. Still he has some proving
to do tonight. We’ve seen Matt drop bombs and crumble. When Matt is on, he is
potentially unstoppable. This could either be the end of Robbie’s streak or the
continuation of an undercard king.

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Next is the battle of self-aware and probably gay: Jared
Goldstein versus Josh Waldron. This battle looks like Josh is physically
battling his inner gay self. Jared is Josh’s “ghost of I’m a gay man and won’t
admit it’s” past, or as my pal and fellow blog writer Dan Nolan puts it, his
“doppel-gayer.” Josh promotes himself as a ladies man, but he has been a bottom
in the Belly Room recently. Jared is all over the eastside Los Angeles comedy
scene and has had some fun battles in the past. Josh’s battles are always
entertaining as well and I would love to see either a comeback story or Josh
accepting himself for who he is and letting a man cum on his back.

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Third undercard tonight is Anthony Desamito versus Everett
Byram. Both these guys are solid comics in the Los Angeles scene. Everett runs
one of the best open mics in WeHo! These two are probably friends. Anthony is a gay Latino, keeping our diversity quota far above the watermark. This battle better not suck. I swear to God
if it sucks. Oh man, you guys better be fucking good. I heard Anthony was great
in his first battle, and I’m excited to see this battle… but I swear to fucking
God, you better be good.

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Back in the ring after a poor display of joke writing one
month ago is Jasmin Leigh going up against Heather Marulli. This might be the
most interesting battle of the night. Jasmin, a lesbian (lady gay!), is coming off the best Roast
Battle intro of 2017, followed by some of the worst Roast Battle jokes of 2017.
We’ve hear bad jokes every night, from myself included, but nobody has brought
our hopes up that much with a beautiful intro just to let us down like that.
Heather missed winning her last battle by a crumb, and it’s not like her to
leave anything on the table. Win or lose, every battle she’s been in was
electrifying and she has an opportunity to really shine tonight, as she has in
the past.

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Last undercard of the night is Nat Baimel versus
John-Michael Bond. Finally, some good old fashioned straight white guys. Every
battle so far has been really gay until now. John, originally from
Atlanta is going against one of the best up and coming joke writers in Roast Battle.
Even though Nat is a more experienced battler, if John’s joke writing in stand
up can transfer to the Roast Battle ring again like it did in his last battle,
just barely losing to Carmen Morales, this should be a very fun, fair and funny
fight.

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In tonight’s main event Dan Nolan takes on Kim Cogdon. Both
these battlers are killers. Kim has a better record than Dan, as well as a
better face, body, and teeth, but the “junkie coon,” has
figured out a way around that in other battles with women who are aesthetically
more pleasing than him. At the same time, Kim knows how to use her good looks,
good jokes, and likeability to take down disgusting looking people, as in
proven in her last battle with Keith Carey. Let’s Roast!

Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.

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