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by Keith Carey

Another Tuesday night, another full fight card in the Belly Room! Roast Battle truly has been on a roll lately. The past few weeks have almost all included at least one all-time great battle, and that streak has the potential to continue tonight. Familiar faces and virgins unite for the five undercards, and this evening’s main event throws two rising stars with a lot of potential into the ring together. Will they rise to the challenge? Who will prevail? Will Jamar take his dick out again? Only time will tell…

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We’ve got a murderer’s row of judges guiding us through the mayhem tonight. Everyone’s favorite tag team The Sklar Brothers will be on hand to dispense wisdom and destruction in equal measure. These guys respect the sport of roasting more than anybody, and their judging is as insightful as it is brutally hilarious. Thai Rivera has taken time away from his busy schedule of starting dick-measuring contests with open-mic comedians to bring his quick wit and acid tongue to the judges panel. All jokes aside, Thai is a lethally talented comic, and did a fantastic job last time he judged, so we’re thrilled to have him back. And rounding out the panel is the Roastmaster General himself, Jeff Ross! Equal parts the patron saint and goofy big-headed mascot of Roast Battle, it’s always a special night when he’s in the Belly Room.

In our first undercard of the night, Tommy Lucero (0-0, Unranked) takes on Cody Morley (2-5, Unranked)!

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Not a bad way to start the night! Tommy’s a very funny comic from San Diego, but it remains to be seen if he can channel his skills into Battle. Hopefully he can rise to the challenge, but the important thing is that he will for sure be too high to remember afterwards anyway, so fuck it. Cody Morley, seen here shortly after being bitten by a radioactive lacrosse player, is a familiar face. He’s fought quite a few times, and what he lacks in wins/talent/general likability as a human being he makes up for in determination!

Our second battle pits Kevin Fard (0-0-1, Unranked) against Becky Klueger (0-0, Unranked)!

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Kevin for sure lives on that boat, right? Regardless, he’s been fishing for another battle since his excellent debut against Jordan Leer. Becky is a Roast Battle newbie, but that haircut proves that she’s not afraid to take a hatchet to a bitch until they’re mangled and destroyed, so Kevin has his work cut out for him.

In our third undercard of the evening, Justin Matson (1-0, Unranked) grapples with Erik Escobar (0-0, Unranked)!

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This is set to be a thrilling fight between an over-eager Mormon missionary and the pit boss at an underground Filipino dog fighting club. Justin is as funny and charming as he is gay – very – and Erik is hiding a killer’s wit in those jowls of his. Erik and Justin are both grizzled vets of the improv world, so it’ll be exciting to see them attempt to do real comedy tonight!

Then we’ve got Mike Devore (0-0, Unranked) going up against Nic Flair (Unranked)!

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Mike and Nic are two super funny guys from San Diego, and this promises to be the biggest SD fight since Shamu killed all those people. To be quite honest, I don’t care much about this one because now that we’re talking about San Diego all I want is a Cali burrito.

And in a special event undercard, Connor McSpadden (5-2, #4) takes on Jonathan Rowell (0-0-1, Unranked)!

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Holy shit, this is an intense match-up. Connor is currently ranked #4, and for good reason. Between Roast Battle, the web-series “Burn Booth”, and his podcast “Mean Boys” – which co-stars fellow Battle alum Keith Carey (me!) and Joe Dosch (gay!) – Connor has turned roasting into an empire. He’ll be squaring up against Jonathan Rowell, a man who proves that Mexicans can gentrify themselves. Rowell might not have the experience that Connor does, but the fact that McSpadden is willing to take him on in the ring is a testament to his ability, and this should be a fantastic match-up.

Closing out in our Main Event, Tony Alfano (2-0, #37) rumbles with Evan Cassidy (3-2, #28)!

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It’s been said over and over, but Orange County produces pound-for-pound the strongest fighters in the game. 15 of the top 50 battlers on the power rankings hail from behind the Orange curtain, and that includes these two. Tony made a big splash in two undercard victories. While his joke writing was strong and clever, he’s never faced an opponent with the experience of Evan Cassidy. Evan has been battling for over a year, strategically choosing his fights and quietly working his way up. Tony and Evan are not only brothers in comedy, they also play together in a Misfits tribute band called Hybrid Broments (formerly “Daditude”) which is the most goddamn Orange County thing anybody has ever said and also can be seen right here.

Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11:30 PST if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Let’s roast!

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