The first Roast Battles of 2017 are in the books, and
without stealing too much thunder from Dan Nolan’s recap that’ll be out soon,
let me just say that they were excellent. This was the best night of battles,
top to bottom, that I remember seeing in a long time. Kudos to everyone
involved. Speaking of the battlers involved, 11 of the 14 comics were repping
fantasy teams in the first official week of league play. Here’s a quick rundown
of how they fared.

The opening battled featured two brand new battlers, Carmen
Morales and John-Michael Bond. “Virgin suicides”, as these battles have come to
be known, often miss the mark. That was not the case here. On a night with an
insanely stacked card, these two went out and delivered the official Battle of
the Night, with Morales edging out Bond. She tallied an impressive 9 fantasy
points and he scored 7 more for a very high scoring opening battle. Both of
these battlers will probably be picked up and added to rosters soon, possibly
before the week is through.

In our next battle, Team Pat and Team Anna went head-to-head
as Sarah Keller and Joe Eurell duked it out. A solid battle ran to overtime and
ultimately ended in a tie, with Keller pulling down 5 points to Eurell’s 4 due
to one extra Wave run out. The first battle of the year with fantasy
implications ends with a 5-4 victory for Team Pat. The next battle, while good,
didn’t move The Wave or the room quite as much as the two before it. Kevin
McNamara (free agent) took a win over Lonnie Johnson (Team Jay) via a 4-2
fantasy score.

On a night with a lot of impressive insults, only one person
could take away the Performance of the Night bonus. On this night, our
independent arbiter decided that the award belonged to Rachel Mac. Her win,
coupled with said bonus, made her the highest scoring fantasy player of the
night with 11 points. She took the win over Danielle Perez, who also chipped in
3 points. The fight gave a solid 14 to Tony Bartolone, who smartly drafted both
battlers a couple of weeks ago.

The final undercard battle saw Leah Lamarr (Team Jay)
dominate Jasmin Leigh (Team Doug), registering a 7-2 fantasy victory in an
overly tense battle. With that, we moved to the main events – both were
one-round clashes which feature slightly higher earning potential than an
undercard but less than a three-rounder. In the first fight, Team Jay scored
another victory over Team Doug, as Anna Valenzuela took a 9-5 win over Heather

As if winning a battle on stage wasn’t enough, Valenzuela also managed to score
big off of it in the night’s final fight as two of her draft picks went at it. When the
dust settled, Greg Roque (10 points) took the victory over Keith Carey (5
points), and Team Anna scored a cool 15 points as a result.

Top Fantasy Scorers, Week 1

Rachel Mac – 11 points
Greg Roque – 10 points
Carmen Morales – 9 points
Anna Valenzuela – 9 points
John-Michael Bond – 7 points
Leah Lamarr – 7 points

League Standings

Team Anna – 19 points
Team Jay – 18 points
Team Tony – 14 points
Team Doug – 7 points
Team Pat – 5 points
Team Lou – 0 points
Team Alex – 0 points
Team Keith – 0 points  

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