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We’ll get to a the judge spotlight and the previews in a moment. First, thank you to Jay Light (5-2, 9) for a smashing job covering for me! Check out his preview and review here. I also want to thank Brian Moses, the judges and the Comedy Store. I’d like to thank the crowd, that did not disappoint. Electric. Eruptive. Elemental? Whatever. Mostly I’d like to thank Doug. He crushed. Losing sucks. I’m super competitive (which is what people say when they’re sore losers). But Doug was so good. Destroyed out the gate with a comeback, a key to Roast victory.

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This is Arthur Ashe. Before last Tuesday I had no idea who he was.

“You’re so AIDS-ridden your phoenix rose from the Arthur Ashes!”-Doug Fager, owning me.

This destroyed. I have a phoenix tattoo. It was a great joke. I couldn’t believe how many people got it. But again hats off to Doug.

It was so surreal being up there. Packed crowd hungry for a great show. All of your peers watching as you show off your skill. It’s like having to hit free throws in the playoffs for 20 straight minutes, while the entire league watches. Oh and various All-Stars are watching and critiquing your performance.

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That clown light thing has never been explained to me. This writer often compares the comedy scene to a school playground but standing on that stage, looking up at the Balcony is like staring down the Royal Court. Sklar Bros. Theo. Hinchcliffe. Bonnell. My first battle was great (and a win) but I call it The Battle That Never Happened. No judges. No Coach Tea. No Jeff, which happened again here. It is intense but exhilarating. I hope anyone within range of this post experiences it one day.

Anyway…on to these previews bruhhhhhh!

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Sometimes you take a step back and the puzzle is forming itself. Guy Branum (1-0, 44) agains puts a Battler on the Balcony! And his album, pictured above, comes out tomorrow! Guess which one he is…Get it on iTunes! Guy is very funny. He’s been on Chelsea Lately. I’ve met him a time or two and he was lovely. Follow him on Twitter!

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Joe DeRosa will also be judging for us! Here he is…engaged af. This is actually the photo from his second album, Return of the Son of Depression Auction. Catchy title? But for real…Joe is a great dude. Very funny. Takes the roast judging seriously. Not Iliza serious. But seriously.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Our third judge was just added last night! Please welcome back Mike Lawrence. Supes funny. Chill dude. He might be ranked as well. Oh yeah you can check at roastbattle.co. Duh Josh. Just looked. He’s 45. He also is ranked 45. #zing

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Our first undercard will be Olivia Grace (0-0, UR) against Matt Cole (0-0, UR)!

Excited for this. Matt is a friend of mine. Books some really great shows in Orange County. You’ll get a packed bar of people ready to laugh. OR 6 people, four of which are performers, staff and Matt. But ferreal tho. Great guy and has helped this writer’s comedy immensely. I have not met Olivia. Here is a sample tweet from her.

“I gave up half-way through peeling an orange today– incase you’re wondering what depression looks like.”[email protected]LOLOliviaGrace, Feb 9th.

Decent. I think Gender Battle record is 12-3 in favor of the ladies but I’ll pick Matt here. Because I am bad at picks. Not Jay Light bad (0-3 last week).

Undercard two will be Greg Kashmanian (0-0, UR) versus Paul Laier (0-0, UR)!

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Never have I ever met Paul Laier. Let’s go to the Twitterverse!

“If anyone could send me a list or a link to upcoming standup festivals I can submit to I would really appreciate it.”-@PaulBrawl, 16 hours ago.

Not very funny. Greg has a very impressive Twitter following! A lot of political stuff, which isn’t really my steez, but check him out! He’s also super funny on stage. I’ll pick Greg here.

I have here our first main event, which has Leah Kayajanian (1-0, UR) taking on Toby Muresianu (2-0, 29)!

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That’s right! Leah has a record but is unranked because the committee cannot remember every single battle. They consult with the Battle Historian and randos who bug alleged members at the Comedy Store. Toby is a clean 2-0 and will come in with a lot of confidence. Leah, who just crushed her bullet set at The Hella Show, hottest new show in town, got her win against Jeremy Paul, who remains unranked due to his bizarre attack on Jeff Ross. One day we’ll release the footage of SNL starlet and future star of Ghostbusters reboot, Leslie Jones going bonkers on the Balcony after Jeremy made a terrible Jeff joke. Ugh. Another Gender Battle. Um…going with Toby. Leah, I’m sorry! Good luck both of you!

And now…we come to our second main event, concluding our 4-battle night, with Jay Light (5-2) versus Stuart Thompson (2-1)!

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This is the pic of Jay is the one my friend Jake used for his podcast, the What I Hate About You podcast. Stu, Jay and I have all been guests on this fun show and you can find out a little more about us. This pic of Stuart…is possibly the best picture I have ever seen of him. Not pictured? A fucking trumpet. Trumpet was second instrument I would have guessed Stuart played. Cello was first. Jay is a great friend. Stuart, a fellow Bay Area guy, was one of the first people somewhat friendly to me at the Comedy Store when I started showing up two years ago. Jay is still smarting (did it) from his SXSW loss. I think he’s hungry. Stuart hasn’t battled in quite some time but I think he’ll be sharp. Fuck. I’m going to pick Jay. I really am not sure who will win. But sometimes I crash on Jay’s couch.

I am 16-8 so far in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Tweet us @roastbattle or email [email protected] for questions/concerns/other stuff.

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