You read that right! We’re back to ranking folks ova’ here! Before we get to that, let’s get some in-house shout outs taken care of. Comedy’s favorite act-out, Jeremiah Watkins is now comedy’s happiest person! In addition to being on two shows that will be on Comedy Central, he found himself a Mrs. Watkins! If you see him in the halls, give him a hug and a hi-five. He really is one of the kindest souls in the biz and deserves this success. Although, if your “congratulations” has an agenda, Earl Skakel has words for you. Besides that…happy birthday Sina Amedson! We love that little Middle Eastern oompa-loompa! Can’t believe he made it all the way to forty-seven years of age. #gasprices
Alright, back to Roast Battle biz. The shadow organization known as “The Committee” has been disbanded and in it’s place, two of your favorite battlers and I have formed a new one, stronger than ever! You all know Patty “Cake” Barker (8-2) from his time at the Haters table and losing to Leah Kayajanian in the Roast Battle Royale. He’s also the newest member of the Roast Report team and did the grunt work of compiling records. V grateful to have him on board. Also, the human silver medal, Jay Light (7-6) is also a confirmed Committee member! Anything to say about the ranking process boys?
PATTY CAKE ON RANKS
The new and improved committee got together and ranked the Top 50 battlers we have based on a number of different criteria. Record, strength of schedule, and recent hot streaks all played a part in picking the best of the best. We will be updating the rankings at the start of every month so keep an eye out for that.
JAY ON RANKS
No answer provided.
Hmm. I guess you’ll have to check his web site or “The Light Report” on verbalviolence.tv if you want his take. I pretty much agree with everything Patty Cake said but offer this as well: leave an impact and have a moment that we’ll never forget. LIke eating a peanut without realizing it or kissing your opponent after the battle and walking out after your last joke. Just don’t take shots at Earl or the judges. That’s the wrong kind of memory to with which to leave us. That’s all. Sorry for the long intro. I just get excited about the Roast Battle squad.
We have a fresh-faced round of judges this week! I believe they’re all newbies to the VIP section but I’m sure that won’t stop them from excellent comedy analysis and verbal destruction of the battlers. Rick Overton might be our oldest judge ever. This is a real sentence from his Wikipedia:
Overton is mostly known for his Oscar-worthy performance as Buddy Claggett in Encyclopedia Brown: The Case of the Missing Time Capsule.
Holy shit, I aged four years while copying and pasting that and now I can’t stop doing the Charleston. Make sure you check his podcast, “Overview”! Jimmy Shubert is a comedy gem. When ya boy (me) first started, he was the first headliner who I saw when I was still on the “bringer show” circuit. He always had amazing material and stayed true to his stage presence. I always wanted to tell him these things but seeing as how I don’t have breasts, I didn’t get a lot of face time with him after the show. He just filmed a new comedy special so watch/buy that as soon as it’s avail. Our final judge, Eddie Ifft, has GQ’s tenth and thirty-seventh ranked jokes of all time, in addition to having a very confusing last name. Does he have a podcast? You bet your ass he does. Check out “Talkin Shit” with Eddie Ifft! Based on the title alone, he should be ready to be a judge.
In the first and only undercard of the evening, Steve Alan Green (1-1) is set to take Adi Gordan 0-1)!
This will be the “worst” portion of the worst/best part of the headline. It’ll be hard to wrest the “worst” title from Matt Cole or Matt Lewis but I firmly believe these are the best two candidates to do it. Steve Alan Green has a win but was so bad in his last battle, I can’t imagine him being able to recover from it. Despite coming off as a creepy guy who wanted to be tortured in his last loss against Leah Knauer (1-1), he’s actually more likable than his opponent. Adi Gordan seems like a good boy until he opens his mouth and out spews hate speech. He really should battle Caesar Lizardo (1-2) for a “Loser Leaves Town” match. The real loser of this battle is likely to be the rest of us but if there has to be a winner…I think it will be Adi. Ugh. That felt gross to type. #thisisjustablog
And in the Main Event, Roast Battle Royale champion Leah Kayajanian (6-2-1) locks horns with former number one overall battler Alex Hooper (7-2)!
Ahh, this is what I’m talking about. Moses is really spoiling us with these Main Events. We had last week’s all-timer and now we have a match to decide number one! That’s right! The New Committee rushed to convene in order to add a little more gravitas to this fight. Leah is one of my favs and is one of the sweetest humans on the planet. The thing about Leah, she’s only a ball cap and testosterone pill away from transitioning to Lee Kayajanian. This from a guy who wears a bun and is girlier than most women will ever be. Love you Leah! Then there’s Hoop-A-Loop. One of my oldest friends in comedy, he was there when I first saw Jimmy Shubert at Spotlight Comedy Club way back when. In this picture, he looks like Shawn Michaels was stung by a bee, dumped by his gf and then entered into musical rehab. These two are some of the best to do it and tonight, you’ll find out why. The winner is likely to be the rest of us but since I have to choose, I think Leah takes it and keeps her crown as the Ice Queen of Roast Battle.
I am 100-67 in picks. Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Follow show sponsor LA SpeedWeed on Twitter! Shout to the great Troy Conrad for the beautiful photos. Follow us IG, tweet us @roastbattle or email email@example.com for questions/concerns/other stuff.
WRITTEN BY LEAD REPORTER, JOSH WALDRON