It’s Tuesday night, and we’ve a bunch of newcomers taking on veterans in the ring tonight, along with a Main Event between two Belly Room favorites. We’ve got a full line up of hilarious judges taking aim on our battle hopefuls.

The effortlessly funny Aida Rodriguez will be showing us how Puerto Ricans pass judgement. Ramon Rivas will be joining the panel once again, bringing his seasoned judging skills to the party. Rounding out the murderer’s row will be the jubilant Jade Cata Pretta. And of course, the cherry on top of this judgmental hot fudge sundae is the RoastMaster General himself, Jeff Ross. Let’s Roast!

In our first undercard, Sarah Fatemi takes on Chino LaForge.

Chino LaForge looks like he was placed in special ed on looks alone, but he stayed for the ladies. I have to wonder if he’s ever gone down syndrome on Sarah. Sarah Fatemi looks like her type is type 2. She looks like she’d give you crabs orally. Sarah has battled before in uneventful undercards, and this is Chino’s debut. At least, I think it is. There’s a possibility he’s just had even more forgettable performances than Sarah. They seem to be friends so hopefully they have chemistry beyond the test tubes they were created in.

Our next undercard features Ezekiel Echevarria and Joseph Thorne.

Even though the government shutdown has ended, Trump is no closer to building his border wall. That sure is lucky for this battle between Uncle Fiesta and Elton Juan. Ezekiel Echevarria has a few battles under his belt, as well as a few Big Macs. Joseph Thorne has stepped onstage to do battle a couple times, as well as stepping out of the closet. The Inland Empire Strikes Back in this (probably) lackluster battle. Here’s hoping these boys do their turf proud. Even if they don’t, they’ll brag about it on Facebook anyway.

Next up Abraham Boche throws down with Steve Lee.

It’s been a little while since we’ve seen Steve Lee, but he had one of the most legendary battles against Joe Eurell: the infamous “Cripple Fight”. We’ve seen Abraham Boche much more recently, unfortunately. Abraham’s last battle was like an argument between two patients with early onset Alzheimer’s. I only wish I had Alzheimer’s so I can forget it. Despite that, Abraham is pretty likable and his opponent has had several good showings in the past. Hopefully, Boche steps it up because Lee has to step up all the Belly Room stairs.

After that, Mia Mars takes on the Reverend Johnny Stewart.

Johnny is coming off a win against former phenom Victor Martinez Jr., while Mia is coming off a loss to former opera singer Tom Whalen. They both look like they run weird Etsy stores. Word on the street is the loser of this fight has to get dog-walked around the Comedy Store for the rest of the night, Cardi B-style. Who’s gonna wind up being the bitch? I can’t wait to find out.

The penultimate undercard sees Dan Madonia going toe-to-toe with Steven Alan Green.

Dan Madonia has been doing stand up at The Comedy Store for years, and Steven Alan Green has been doing stand up at The Comedy Store for decades. Even though he’s been around the Belly Room, I don’t think Madonia has ever battled. There’s no record of him battling. Speaking of records, Steven Alan Green has a record of something like 1-4. But hey, don’t let the record fool you, he is a huge loser. Dan has some big targets, like his mom being a porn star. We’ll see if the hapless Steven Alan Green is able to do anything with this perky pothead. It’s a classic fight of stoner versus boner.

The final undercard pits Isabella Charlton against Lou Misiano.

We’ve seen Lou Misiano be funny too many times to just write him off as a pretty face. On the other hand, we’ve never seen Isabella Charlton, as this is her first battle. She’s got her work cut out for her going up against Lou “The Suit” Misiano, but don’t count her out. One thing you should know about Isabella is that she knows how to write a joke. Her act is mostly one-liners, and Roast Battle is a joke writing showcase. Lou definitely has the experience edge, but it’ll interesting to see what his opponent has to offer.

And in our main event, Zach Stein challenges Sarah Keller.

Both these battle-tested beasts are coming off losses, which means they’ll be hungry for a win. This is sure to be a tight contest, making it the first time in long time that Zach or Sarah have been around anything tight. They look like guests on a daytime talk show who are there to discuss their relationship, but then find out they’re actually siblings. This is the battle for white pride. I don’t think either of these battlers actually voted for Trump, but their faces and family sure did. They are two of Roast Battle’s hottest stars looking to incinerate each other. Or at least Keller wants to incinerate Stein and the rest of his people. Pop open your PBR’s and light your tiki torches, because it is going to be a blonde on blonde bloodbath.

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