by Dan Nolan
Roast Battle returns tonight at 10:30 with six furious fights and a stellar lineup of VIP judges ready to spit fire.
Seated in the VIP section tonight to judge will be Chris Porter, who’s got his own Comedy Central Presents special, Comedy Store Paid Regular Jade Catta-Pretta, and Broad City’s Phoebe Robinson.
For our first undercard matchup we’ve got Valerie Tosi facing off against fellow regular white lady, Heather Turman.
Both battlers are coming off of losses to Dave Neal, though it’s been some time since either has stepped in the ring, so there is little to go on in terms of predictions. Based on the excitement of their previous turns at battle, we should be in for a treat.
Next up, mortician Juan Cias returns to take on first-timer Mike Fellows.
Juan had a standout performance in his first matchup a few months back, so it’s uphill for his newcomer opponent, Mike. Will he rise to the occasion, or be buried by the undertaker?
Following that is door guy Isak Allen butting heads with our favorite underdog Lou Vahram.
It’s hard to even keep calling Lou an underdog, when at 4-4 he’s now on the cusp of a winning record should he win tonight. He’s learned in recent battles to better own his awkward energy, and it’s been a while since his attempts to take shots at judges have misfired. Isak has been a solid battler, losing only a few close ones, and is an all around good comic and good dude, and this matchup could easily go either way and be one of the night’s best.
In our second to last undercard we’ll be seeing Shannon Leigh and first-timer Andy Ruther going head to head.
While we don’t have any proper virgin sacrifices tonight, this might be the closest battle to it. Shannon is the only female battling tonight who was able to take down the dastardly Dave Neal, and called out Andy in advance of tonight’s battle. Will Andy take back the night from Shannon on his first time in the ring or will she reign supreme over mankind in the Belly Room ring?
Our evening’s final one round fight is a battle of two guys with absolutely ridiculous names with William Gilliam and Brother The.
Brother The has fought before, but I can’t search for any information on that fight because his dumb fucking name has the word “the” in it, so any assumptions about his skill in the ring, or comedy in general, should just be based on that. William Gilliam also has a ridiculous name, but he’s a solid comic and ex-Marine, making a perfect combo for our show here.
Finally in our Main Event we see a return to three rounds from Rich Slaton against Asian sensation, Alex Duong.
Slaton took a long break after being a top competitor in the early days of Roast Battle, losing a close and controversial decision over champion Alex Hooper. Since then he’s returned with wins over Stuart Thompson and reigning champ Frank Castillo before taking an L from boy wonder Connor McSpadden. Alex Duong has continued to put up top-notch main events for many months, and tonight should be no different. It’s a solid matchup and there’s no telling who’ll come out on top. Let’s roast!
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.