As always, we’ll see some new faces on tonight’s fight card, but perhaps more exciting, we’ll see the return of heroes of old who have decided to step back into the game for one reason or another. Have the been away to long? Has the game changed too much? We’ll find out, but first, let’s take a look at our judges for the night.
Omid Singh will be making his debut at the table tonight. Singh is a respected top-ten battler and will no doubt has both valuable input and soul crushing insults for the battlers tonight. Nick Youssef makes his return to the VIP section. Youssef is a paid regular at the Comedy Store and has consistently proven he will not hold back… I’ll admit he almost made me cry once. If that isn’t terrifying enough, Jimmy Carr will be rounding out the judges for the night. Jimmy is a seasoned comic with specials on Netflix and Comedy Central. The British Beast was the first tournament winner of Roast Battle and was a semi-finalist on Roast Battle season one. He’s quick, he’s mean, and his laugh is one of an escaped mental patient. Good luck battlers!
First up, Dave Gregory steps in the ring and will try to overcome his biggest weakness, a pretty white woman. Dave is a big personality on stage and a talented comedian but lacks experience on the Roast Battle stage. His first and only battle was over two years ago, losing to one of the baddest bitches in the game, Kim Congdon. I’ve never seen Dave’s opponent Michelle Steveson before, but she’ll have to out-write Dave definitively to overcome his likability and command of the stage.
Next, Lauren Davis takes on Brother The. Lauren has battled once before against Katrina, another Davis who has since become a beloved belly room battler. It was a solid battle and I’m excited to see what she brings tonight even if it means we have to watch a guy named Brother The. The (I can’t fucking believe I have to type “The” like it’s an actual name) had a controversial win against William Gilliam, collecting undeserved cheers from a row of Flappers employees to pull out the victory. Leave it to Flappers to turn Roast Battle into a Bringer.
In our next fight of the night, I think the most exciting part will be watching Brian Moses try to pronounce their names. Mary Basmadijan, a roast battle virgin, will attempt to claim victory over Movses Shakarian, who has battled once before in an impressive showing against Arthur Hamilton. If Movses brings the heat he did last time, Mary has her work cut out for her. May the best Armenian win.
Our next match up features Ashley Johnson and Daniel Moquin. It’s always fun to watch when two friends battle. While these two aren’t super battle-tested, they’re funny dudes who know each other pretty well which usually makes for a solid battle. Moquin’s last battle with Danny Williams may have been the lowest energy battle in history, but hopefully, Ashley will be able to balance out Daniel’s empathetic delivery with his own energy and style.
In what has the potential to be the battle of the night, Nicole Aimee Schreiber will take on Tre Stewart to round out the undercards. Nicole is an absolute sweetheart outside the ring, but a savage if you get her in a battle. She’s made appearances on Road to Roast Battle and at the judges table in the belly room. Tre doesn’t grace the battle stage often, but when he does, boy do we appreciate it. These two are witty, pretty, and mean and I, for one, can’t wait to see them tear up the room.
Kicking off the main events, John-Michael Bond will try to outshine Roast Battle diva Danielle Perez. What Danielle lacks in legs, she makes up for in personality, dope outfits, and great jokes. She always puts on a great show whether she wins or loses and Roast Battle loves her for it. John-Michael Bond is a force to be reckoned with as well and has taken the step from promising rookie to a solid main event battler. I can’t wait to see him verbally abuse a woman in a wheelchair.
On to our final main event for the evening: Alex Duong versus Stuart Thompson. I’m pretty sure this beef started at an Ivy League fraternity where the guys wear sweaters around their necks. Alex and Stuart have two of the sharpest tongues in the ring, but both have very different styles. Stuart is calculated, prepared, and cool in his delivery, while Alex’s punchlines are often unpredictable and somewhat outlandish, making him difficult to size up. Duong has been on fire since he started on his path of sobriety while Thompson hasn’t battled for quite some time. Will he make a triumphant return or will Alex continue to burn more people than he did when he was a raging alcoholic?
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 10:30 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.