With just two days before Thanksgiving, the belly room is sure to be feeling the holiday spirit and be hungry for carnage.
Judging tonight’s battles, we have a panel of comedy superstars, starting with Mat Edgar (This is Not Happening), Wayne Federman (Curb Your Enthusiasm, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, and literally a million other credits) and Mike Ward (Roastmasters Invitational, Just For Laughs, tons of Canadian tv credits). We’ve also got Jim Jefferies (Netflix, Comedy Central, FX), and, of course, the Roastmaster General Jeffrey Ross. All five of these guys are comedy juggernauts and are sure to set the room on fire. I don’t have much more to say about them, as the excitement has taken over and all I can think is if you aren’t in the belly room and don’t watch on Periscope, you are a terrible person with terrible judgment and will certainly die alone.
Our first undercard is a virgin suicide featuring boy band reject Trevor Wallace against the impossibly beautiful Ariana Basseri. This will definitely be the best-looking battle of the night, as both of these two looks like they were made in a hotness lab. Trevor looks like he still uses the fact that he worked at an Abercrombie as a credit, and Ariana is the kind of beautiful that’s hard to directly look at, like the sun. Neither of these battlers are tested but seem to have some good comedy chops and experience in their backgrounds, so I’m guessing we are in for a good battle. And if not, just put the periscope on mute and enjoy yourself.
Next up on the chopping block are Kill Tony regulars and virgin battlers Abraham Boche vs. Afrodyete. While both of these two are untested in the battling ring, both of them are no newbs when it comes to performing, having solidified themselves as Kill Tony favorites. Hopefully, that experience translates into a great battle, but even if they don’t come with killer jokes, this is sure to be a very entertaining battle.
Our next and final virgin suicide features Kyle Rehl against Chase Austin. Kyle hails from Georgia and looks like every dude that got kicked out of his frat for trying to fuck the pool table. Chase is from San Jose and looks like he grew a beard just so he wouldn’t look like Kyle anymore. While neither of these bros have battle experience, they both have been doing comedy for a few years, and are sure to bring some top-tier date rapist jokes tonight.
The last undercard of the night pits Dylan Sullivan against Guido Saltarelli. Dylan looks like a former child star who ate his co-stars, and Guido has the dumbest name in battle history. It sounds like the made-up name of an Italian mobster in a made-for-TV movie starring Tony Danza. Dylan has battling experience, and has had some good shows in the past, pair that with his likability and the fact he’s taking on an untested battler named “Guido,” who has a face you just want to hate, I give the edge to Dylan. Although growing up with a name like Guido, he’s probably learned a few comebacks, so perhaps don’t write him off completely.
Our main event features the sleepy assassin Omid Singh vs. Paul Elia. Omid is an absolute beast in the ring, never disappointing and always bringing fire in his signature collected, deliberate delivery. Omid’s sharp pen, paired with his adorable evilness make him a fearsome battler, and he rarely loses. Paul Elia is a bit of a different battler. He’s had some impressive battles and has risen up the ranks over the years, but he’s coming off a DISASTROUS battle against Guam Felix. While the win was awarded to Paul, it was barely earned. Paul is a good comic and a smart guy, so there’s no doubt that he’ll step his game up tonight to take on Omid, you don’t bring a knife to a bomb fight, and Omid always packs explosives. My money is on Omid, but it’s certain to be an epic battle that the Saudi Prince will undoubtedly give two towers down.