WEIRD BATTLE. I’m actually watching the footage now. That’s right! We have footage! It’s more like game tape at this point but sooner rather than later we will have some clips of audio or video variety. The vibe was weird but after watching the tape I’ve learned that the energy of Roast Battle is too powerful for sub par joke writers. The crowd still wanted to explode. They wanted it, bro! Chris Kattan was our guest judge and was maybe playing the part of some sort of divorced gypsy idk for sure. He got into it with a Battler but we’ll get in to that later. Hannibal Buress was there fresh of the Roast of Justin Bieber, dropping hot fire like this…
“Jeff you only get on TV when you’re doing roasts. You’re only on TV when you’re hurting people. You’re like a Ferguson police officer.”
To which Jeff replied…
“Hannibal you look like Kevin Hart if they found him belly up in a river.”
So if you we’re wondering how it’s done you just got a quick lesson. The Bieber Roast was great. Check it out if you haven’t already. Martha Stewart is great. Natasha Leggero crushed. Some of our Battlers attended and wrote jokes for the Roasters which continues the opportunity theme I’ve been putting out there lately.
Quick announcment! The new ranks will be out Monday. And they will be written up by a guest writer! That’s right folks. Ya boi is stepping out of the press box and into the ring to take on Doug Fager! So all of next weeks posts will be done by top 10 Battler/Smash Bros also-ran Jay Light(5-2,9)! Give him the same clicks you would me(8) and come check the heavyweight Main Event!
ANYWAY. On these reviews bruh!
Our first undercard had a draw?
I don’t have pics this week so I’m just gonna go more Mango. So there was no winner here. Crowd was actually declared a loser by Moses because it was such a disappointing battle. Tamer’s(0-1,69) jokes can be too wordy. And sources told me that Monarch(0-0, UR) maybe forgot his battle was this week? Evident. They both kinda got crushed by Ross and the House Hater. I think Tamer and Chris are actually cousins but they had never met. If I were Tamer, I’d just reintroduce myself next time and pretend this didn’t happen. The energy from the crowd was hot but that was all them. We had Patty Regz follow it up with a beautiful printer ballad. And that was about it. Moses claimed the Battle didn’t count, the crowd didnt want to judge and ya boiiii didn’t take a loss in his picks.
This battle gets 0 /? ? ? fire emojis.
Which brings us to our Main Event, where Omid Singh (4-3,15) took down Cody Morley (2-3,27)!
It was crazy to see Kattan up there. I remember boppin my head the same way the Butabi brothers did in 1998. Coach Tea played “What is Love” when he was intro’d. The crowd chanted “MANGO”. He probably gets that everywhere he goes. All the time. Forever. Meanwhile, his opposite in “Night at The Roxbury”, Will Ferell, is all over the box office and he’s making profound statements on current events. Might drive me bonkers also. The mics were all messed up so it was tough to hear the judge’s feedback. I don’t have Cody’s jokes as of this writing but will update as soon as i can. The real story was Kattan v Morley. Omid won the first round and Cody won the second. Omid took the third but then a weird back and forth between Cody and Chris started to unfold. First Chris offered some critiques.
“I’m not having a good time watching you.”
“You’re just not likable on stage.”
“You’re career is not going to go anywhere.”
So it’s fair to say he was not a fan. Cody responded with some zings about how no one watched his SNL and that he’s short. To make it all worse, it was Cody’s one year anniversary? “Helluva gift” says Moses. Cody was too nice with his non-Kattan jokes and they weren’t that strong so it’s easy to see how Omid won.
OMID ON CODY
“Cody was on on Intervention which is the only time we will laugh at him on TV”-1st round
“Battling you is like battling nothing except nothing has the possibility of one day becoming something.”-3rd round
Jeff and the judges had a little more fun at the Battlers expense and then we wrapped it up. Jeff made the point as well that even when the Battle sucks it’s awesome. Good legacy.
This battle gets ? ? /? ? ? ? ?
I am 16-8 so far in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Tweet us @roastbattle or email [email protected] for questions/concerns/other stuff.