by Keith Carey
Good afternoon, Roast Nation! Tonight in the Belly Room we’ve got virgin
sacrifices, mid-level battlers looking for a big break, and a title fight
that’s guaranteed to blow the roof off the motherfucker. Let’s get to the action!
Three of Roast Battle’s favorite judges are on hand to make
a ruling tonight. Nick Youssef is a regular at the Comedy Store, the host of
the Occasionally Awesome Podcast, and has a terrific album out now called
“1982.” Bert Kreischer is a lovable lunatic who always brings a ton of energy
to the judging panel. And Mike Lawrence, fresh off winning some trophy on some
TV show but also the far more prestigious Roastie Award for Judge of the Year,
stops by the drop knowledge on rookies and seasoned battlers alike.
Our first match of the evening pits Leah Knauer (1-1, Unranked) against
Scott Boxenbaum (0-2, Unranked)!
This looks like a battle between a Degrassi student and her
math teacher. Congratulations to Leah and Scott for being crowned king and
queen of white privilege prom. Both of these comedians have a little fight
experience. They’ve both had some modest success, but are looking for the
breakout performance that makes Battle fans sit up and notice new talent. Scott
brings a grizzled, no-bullshit vibe to his stand-up that could be interesting
in contrast to Leah’s infectious energy. Hopefully for one (or both) of them,
tonight is the night.
Next up, Gee Curt (0-0, Unranked) steps up to Marquez Acuna (0-0, Unranked)!
Black James Bond versus Enrique Iglesias? I’m all about it.
These guys are new to the ring, but this could be a promising match. I’ve seen
Marquez’ stand-up do very well in the rowdy streets of East L.A. and that
barroom training could put him at ease in the chaos of the Belly Room. I’m not
familiar with Gee’s work, but a wise man once said, “Always bet on black.”
Our final undercard sees Jennifer Gable (0-0, Unranked) head to head against
Jasmin Leigh (0-1, Unranked)!
Lady on lady violence is always a welcome sight at Roast
Battle. We’ve seen a wave of strong female battlers stepping forward in recent
weeks, and while I’m not familiar with these two, if their jokes are half as
colorful as whatever the fuck is going on with Jasmin’s hair, this will be a
fight to remember.
In a long-awaited main event, Alex Hooper (9-2, #1) defends the title
of champion against Jay Light (9-6, #6)!
This is truly a battle between two of the best roasters the
show has to offer. Alex Hooper is a powerhouse performer, leveraging his
nightmarish physical appearance into a monstrous stage presence that is nearly
impossible to defeat, and backing it all up with fast, sharp jokes. He’s coming
off an upset victory over Guy Branum for Comedy Central’s “Road To Roast
Battle” and seems all but indestructible at this point. But if anybody can
topple the champ, it’s Jay Light. Jay is one of the most versatile battlers in
the game, and has not only fought more consistently than Alex, but also has
evolved at an alarming rate. His jokes are some of the most interesting and
innovative the show has ever seen, and his combination of razor-sharp writing
and complete lack of interesting characteristics to mock makes him a lethal
opponent. Will he take the throne? Will Alex remain the champion? Let’s fucking
find out. See you tonight.
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11:30 PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.