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This guy deserves to be the main photo. Wub Savell. Hot damn. This was his night. I felt this photo, from our crack photog Troy Conrad, repped the swag that Wub brought to the stage all night. From his entrance, to his domination, which we’ll get into later, to his reception from the judges and attitude the rest of the night, he embodied a larger concept I’ve been noticing at the Comedy Store lately.

Opportunity.

I knew Wub a little from mics and stuff. Not enough to know his name is Wub and not Jonathan but enough to always fist pound at mics. I thought he was funny. But if you didn’t know him before, you do now. Everyone does. The other night I saw the Deathsquad guys pluck a comic named Pat Janssen from the Kill Tony podcast and offer him a spot on their show at the Ice House this weekend. It was his first time performing at the Store. Ever. How about a hand for that? Would you write 4 jokes (Wub) or one minute (Pat) for these kinds of chances? #duh 

Also…the Great Photog sends me a bunch of pics and I choose the ones that fit my writings. But to catch all the Roast Battle pics, including behind-the-scenes pics, follow Roast Battle on Instagram!

Gotta get down to the Store. Any day of the week. But especially #OnATuesday…on to these reviews bruh.

Our first battle was Kip Hart (1-0) taking down Rex Allaman (0-1)!

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That is neither Kip nor Rex. That is Battle favorite, Pat Regan, and his trumpeteer(should be a real word) Dave Gironda. Crushing “Closing Time” by Semisonic. Check out some College Humor stuff they did! Pat stops by with guests from time to time to give us a little variety amongst the chaos.

Didn’t snag a pic of the first battle but it was a mellow affair. Like if two uncles decided to roast each other at a 50th birthday party.

“Rex’s secret sex life is like Brody Steven’s baseball pitching career, 4 balls all high and inside.”-Kipp Hart, first undercard.

There was a good laugh or two be had but the real show was Coach Tea, the house DJ. He will crush you with a drop if you’re not careful. Kip won so I lost my pick so let’s move on. 

This battle got ?/???

fire emojis.

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Holy hot shit damn fuck. That was all of our reax to Wub’s DECIMATION of Brandon Brickz. Btw, I love the red lights on for these battles. Wub’s swag and the lights and their reflection represent the Charizard-level roasting of Brandon Brickz last night. Btwa, that’s the Isis Wave or all-terrorist Wave or something. I can’t stress enough how dominant Wub was. He inspired this, I think, meme worthy response from Rell.

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Shoutout to Rell. The judges aren’t often around for the undercards. Heck, the Roastmaster wasn’t even there all night. But Rell recognized game, declaring him the best Undercarder ever (Alex Hooper?) and giving him even more dap when the main event started. He also ruined the nickname “playboy” for everyone. Thanks Rell. Here are the crushers Wub threw down. All could be JOTN noms. Refer to the pic earlier for reference.

“I call your elbows the Twin Towers because they spread more ash than 9/11.”

“You may have seen Brandon Brickz in the last Planet of the Apes movie, where he played the planet.”

“Brandon, I don’t know how many calories there are in eating a dick onstage, but I think you’ve had enough.”

“You must get your fat fucking genes from your great great fat fucking grandfather who was so fucking fat he had to buy two tickets to ride the underground railroad.”

OMG. I gagged a little while typing this. That’s how disgusting this roast of Brandon Brickz was. At one point Brandon had to give Wub credit before he even said his last joke.

This battle gets ?
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fire emojis but all three go to Wub and only Wub.

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GREAT BATTLE. Like any good comedy show, they benefitted of the energy of set up by Wub and Pat. This battle was hot hot fire as well. We only roast the ones we love and these two have been friends for a long time. Honestly? This was one of the best most efficient main events this writer has ever seen. They both fired of 12 jokes in 3 high octane rounds. Judging was quick. Ari snuck in a zing or two . Here are some of the highlights.

KEITH ON CONNOR

“Connor was molested as a child. It breaks my heart to think that somewhere out there is a pedophile with standards that low. Even at 5, Connor was only a 3.”-2nd round

“Connor had sex with a single mom in Modesto, meaning now there are two mothers who regret having him inside of them.”-1st round

“Connor is the most boring person I’ve ever met. The last time a comic put this many people to sleep, Hannibal Burress got a career out of it.”-1st round

“I can’t believe I’m a 300 pound bisexual and I’m still only the second biggest faggot on this stage.”-3rd round.

See? Now check these.

CONNOR ON KEITH

“Keith is half Samoan, not the country, the girl scout cookie.”-1st round

“Keith just booked his first commercial as one of the Mucinex Goblins.”-2nd round

“Keith watched his mom get gangbanged, it was the most meat that had been shoved in the Carey family’s greasy holes since breakfast.”-3rd round

“Keith fucked a 16 year old when he was 23, he would have gone younger but it’s tough being a pedophile when you eat all the candy.”-2nd round

It really went down to the last second. Al Madrigal voted for Keith. Ari hesitated for too long and Moses went to Rell, who gave it to Keith. But while Ari stumbled over a choice, we were all frozen in suspense. I had no idea who would win. 

This battle gets ?
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/?
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flame emojis.

All four of Wub’s jokes are gonna be JOTN noms so here are the picks for judges JOTN and my JOTN from all other jokes.

JUDGES JOTN

“Connor is the most boring person I’ve ever met. The last time a comic put this many people to sleep, Hannibal Burress got a career out of it.”-1st round, main event

WRITER’S JOTN

Connor, how you gonna act like you’ve got street cred when the blackest thing you’ve ever done was getting fired from Ross Dress For Less?”-2nd round, main event.

I am 15-8 so far in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Tweet us @roastbattle or email [email protected] for questions/concerns/other stuff.

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