by Dan Nolan
Amidst mounting tensions between East and West Coast Roast
Battle factions, the greatest show on earth returns to it’s Belly Room
birthplace to keep doing what it does best with five dope matchups between
eight of the show’s finest fighters (and two guys I’ve never heard of).
On our judges’ panel for the evening we’ll be hearing from actor/comedian Brian Dunkleman. Dunkleman is best known for having co-hosted American Idol with Ryan Seacrest for it’s first season, so if history is any indication, there’s a good chance that as soon as he’s gone Roast Battle ends up becoming a global phenomenon. Tournament veteran Olivia Grace returns for another welcome homecoming at the judge’s panel, and rounding things out we are (for the third consecutive week) reporting a scheduled appearance from our absentee sugar daddy, Roastmaster General Jeff Ross.
First up in the undercards is a schoolyard skirmish between
Roast Battle’s two biggest teacher’s pets as Jasmin Leigh locks horns with
Both favorites of Jeff Ross, Madison makes a return to the
ring for the first time in months since her dominant streak in the undercards
was cut short with a tough loss to Quentin Moscaritolo in her main event debut.
Her earlier epic clashes with other female competitors remain memorable,
though, and despite the vast gap in roasting chops, her choice of Jasmin Leigh
as an opponent should prove plenty entertaining. Apart from her defeat of the
0-5 Courtney Banks, Jasmin has had a far-less-than-stellar history in the Roast
Battle ring and was last seen in an awkward on-stage meltdown in the face of a
devastating defeat at the hands of Leah Lamarr. Will she return to rise to the
occasion, or will Madison recapture her former glory?
Next up, darling of the Improv Lab Isaac Hirsch makes his
Roast Battle return to face off against the formidable Christian Pieper.
This should be a highlight on what is already shaping up to
be a doper-than-usual fight night. Isaac looks like Jay Light-lite and hails
from the DC standup scene, and Christian “Too Many Pies” Pieper is a dope comedian
out of Salt Lake City. Both battlers lost their debut bouts but that’s no
reason to sleep on this matchup. Each is an accomplished standup in their own
right; we could be in for a real bloodbath.
For our third fight of the evening, we’ll be seeing a double virgin sacrifice
between newcomers Jason King and Doon Sandors.
What would our evening be without a debut from two unknowns
in the ring? Despite the show’s ever-increasing popularity, it’s important to
keep with it’s roots as a one-time open mic by being accessible to all who
enter. Roast Battle is a meritocracy at heart, and we’re always in search of
something new and exciting.
Closing out our undercard clashes is the return of two Belly
Room favorites, Tony Bartolone and Matt LeGrande.
Both battlers return seeking to prove themselves after tough
two-loss streaks. The once-dominant Tony Bartolone was last seen suffering his
way through a painful Santa-based character piece that was a complete misfire,
while Matt LeGrande took tough losses to first-timer Jared Goldstein and Galina
Rivina before that. Will Matt return to early form and pull the win? Will Tony
scrap the antics from his earlier bouts, or will he double down on the
absurdity? Come to the Belly Room tonight to find out!
Finally, bringing three rounds of sound fury in our main
event will be Toby “The Machine” Muresianu against alleged bisexual Connor
Both battlers made their television debuts with solid
victories in the Roast Battle preliminaries last month. Toby hasn’t lost a
match in months and Connor has suffered through only one L in the last year
despite maintaining a breakneck pace in the ring. While Toby may be easily
considered the show’s most calculated roast joke writer, Connor is seen by many
as the show’s best battler across-the-board with his vicious verbiage and a knack
for hilarious off-the-cuff comments. Will man beat machine, or will the robot
uprising begin with Toby’s continued climb to the top of the Roast Battle
rankings? Come to the Belly Room tonight to find out!
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.