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by Tony Bartolone

We’re back in the Belly Room to do verbal warfare the way only starving comedians in the LA open mic scene can. The New York crop has been talking some major shit, and we will prove this week, as we do every week, that LA has the best talent in the world. You got to give it to New York, they’ve got some big balls to be talking smack after all their top guys got knocked out in the first round of the tournament. Three battlers will be flying to the East Coast to show those posers what the fuck is up. But we got some hot battles in the original home of Roast Battle, the Comedy Store Belly Room. 

Let’s meet our judges.

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First off, Adam Hunter, who I recently saw eviscerate a heckler at a bar show with the voracity of a well-trained attack dog. Hunter is also well versed in mixed martial arts, used to work for the UFC and even has a podcast called MMA Roasted where he interviews fighters. This unique skill-set paired with a rapid-fire delivery of well-written jokes makes for the perfect prerequisites to judge Roast Battle with the best of them. And judge with the best of them is exactly what he’ll be doing tonight, as he will be joined by my personal favorite adjudicators of Verbal Violence, The Sklar Brothers. The Twin Terrors also have a background in sports broadcasting, adding a legitimate insight into the competitive aspects of battling. The Sklars employ a perfect combo of burns and salve to prove the age-old aphorism, “We roast the ones we love.” Who cares!? Let’s roast!

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In our first fight, Caesar Lizardo throws down with Jesus Erra. These two both have major potential… to be deported under the current administration. These Latin losers will be trading blows to prove whose home country smuggles more drugs into the US. Both these idiots have confidence that far surpasses their talent. We’ve seen Caesar taste defeat, while Jesus has a win in his only battle. Since neither needs the self-esteem boost, I’m rooting for Haiti in this one. We’ll see if Cuba can beat the Dominican Republic in an all out culture clash.

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Then Jay Mandyam steps into the battledome for the first time in over two years to throw verbal stones at Sam Demaris. Jay looks like he’s keeping on eye on Sam to make sure he doesn’t steal anything from his dad’s store. And Sam looks like he has noticed Jay’s watchful eye. Jay is a respected figure at the Comedy Store and has some legit credits under his belt, while Sam just has a bunch of pizza under his belt. Can terrorism blow up diabetes? Come to the Belly Room to find out.

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In what is sure to be a fun contest, cerebral pal Joe Eurell will try to run over nebbish Hebrew Eric Abbenante. They look like a before-and-after photo from a Mom’s Against Drunk Driving billboard. Eric’s picture looks like bragging. It’s as if he’s saying, “Look what I can do! These legs sure are useful.” Joe and his chair are battle tested, as is Abbenante. In past battles they have proven themselves to be fierce adversaries and this bout will be no different. Will Joe be a sitting duck or will he straight pop a handicap in Eric’s ass?  Find out tonight.

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In the final undercard, Brent Duncan takes a big swing at Omid Singh. Brent looks like he’s living in a bunker in some undisclosed location broadcasting pro-gun propaganda youtube videos where he calls Hillary Clinton Hitlery. That makes him the perfect opponent to take on the funniest member of Isis. Brent must’ve felt the sting from Tony Hinchcliffe’s critique on his choice of weak opponents after winning his last battle. He majorly steps up the quality of opponent with the recently televised Omid Singh. He may have bit off more than he chew, as Omid is one of the top battlers in the entire Roast Battle universe. Can Duncan step up his game or will Omid claim another victim? The answer to these question and more.

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In our main event, Doug Fager attempts to take down one of the toughest competitors in the game, Pat Barker. Look at Fager trying to look hunky in his Umami Burger t-shirt, and Pat trying to look like a champ with his Any Given Wednesday belt. Both battlers dawning apparel from former jobs, Pat’s strategy of covering as much of his body as possible is much more effective than Doug’s strategy of showing off his stark white bicep. Appearances aside, this is sure to be a heavyweight face-off that will pack some huge punches. These two have serious joke-writing skills that have won them each many victories in Belly Room brawls. Both battlers used to drive for Uber, but Doug was the only one of them that slept in his car in off hours. Pat Barker may have the momentum coming off a recent win, while Doug is well rested and hungry for three rounds of thunder. This is not one you want to miss. Both these Roast athletes are in top form and ready to turn in a TV worthy performances. Keep your eyes on this one, Comedy Central. It’s gonna be bloodbath.

Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.

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