In recent weeks, Roast Battle has continued to evolve into a different monster, including social media call-outs, heated storylines leading up to highly anticipated rivalries, promo videos, and mystery battles. The drama is addicting and the joke writing is elevating. Let’s see what the magic of the Belly Room has in store for us this week.
The panel for tonight sees the return of Earl Skakel to the belly room. The show has missed Earl, both as a battler and a hater, but he’s decided to make a cameo tonight on the firing squad. He’s been teasing his return to the arena, so maybe the energy tonight will be electrifying enough to push him over the edge. Joining him at the judges table is the hilarious Candice Thompson. Candice is a Paid Regular at the Store and was most recently seen destroying Jasmin Leigh during last season’s Road to Roast Battle. Closing out the VIP section is The Wave’s own Willie Hunter. In addition to being a Paid Regular and a veteran of the Roast Battle ring himself, Willie co-created the cancelled-to-soon Carmichael Show. His quick wit and go-anywhere comedy mentality will serve him well on his first trip to the judges’ dais.
We’re kicking off the battles tonight with Darrin Chase versus Andrew Ryan Fox.
Neither of these two have a ton of battles under their belt, but both have proven they can entertain the room. Darrin’s last match versus Tom Whalen started with a Little Ceasar’s pizza being hurled to the ground, thoroughly offending Jeff Ross, and ended with a victory for Chase. Andrew’s one and only battle saw him defeat Darran Davis. Sure, he can beat black Darran, but can he take down a Darrin with a present father (I assume)? Let’s find out.
Next on the fight card, we have a double virgin suicide with Mike Diaz taking on Dan Rechtman.
Roast Battle has it’s roots in the school playground and these two look like they never left. Seriously, are either of you old enough to be here? First timers are always hit and miss, but it’s always exciting to see fresh blood hit the stage. I have never seen these two do stand up but hopefully they make use of their fake ID’s and give us a show.
Following that, we’ll find out if Julian Fernandez is ready to rumble with razor-tongue red-head Valerie Tosi.
This is a solid matchup. Julian’s last victory was over a winless Tony Asar, but he’s out to prove he’s not just another notch in Tony’s loser belt. He may have to step his game up to match wits with his seasoned opponent. Valerie is a beloved challenger in the ring and a natural red head, that fucking bitch. She came out on top in her last battle against Heather Turman so hopefully, like the car that hit her that one time, she can keep up the momentum.
The Roast Battle gods are gracing us with the presence of Bob Golub who will be taking on newcomer, Sebastian Cetina.
Bob Golub has stepped into the ring once before with Felicia Michaels and I, for one, found that old fuck to be a delight. It’s always refreshing to see a seasoned comic step into the belly room on a Tuesday night and really just enjoy the energy of the room. Let me just say, his roast jokes were fine, but Bob is just straight up fun to watch. Sebastian started working at the Laugh Factory, probably after he realized his dreams of being a salsa dancer were shot. This looks like it could be an extremely fun and entertaining battle.
Our last undercard of the night pits Rookie of the Year winner, Bryan Vokey against one of New York’s finest, Katie Hannigan.
Vokey is coming off a controversial loss to Rena Hundert, which remains his only defeat thus far. His stellar joke writing and his relaxed demeanor on stage make for a dangerous combination. His jokes can be downright vicious and if you miss a beat, he’ll point it out and capitalize on it. His competitor is hoping to avoid her first loss while serving Bryan his second. Hannigan is a top ten battler in New York, continuing the series of bi-coastal rivalries. These two seem evenly matched in both talent and giant bulging eyeballs. All the better to see your flaws and verbally fuck you up.
Finally, in the main event for the evening, it’s the physically handicapped versus the literally handicapped in every other way: Joe Eurell versus Tony Bartolone.
Joe has become a Roast Battle staple. I can confidently say he is one of the top three battlers in a wheelchair. When it comes to joke writing, Joe needs no handicap and his battle with Wave member, Haiti, earned him a well-deserved Roastie. Bartolone has been a little less consistent as of late. He seems to have given up on pre-battle antics and doubled down on his writing, but who knows what he has in store for tonight. They’ll be duking it out for the consolation title of best battler to have been recently dominated by Sarah Keller.
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 10:30 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.