And we’re back! Thank you to everyone who reads. Especially when I get lazy and have to release back to back reports. We’re still ready to assemble a team of writers. Cover a battle tonight! I can probably send you the audio. Or you can watch the Periscope. Send me your recap on a battle and you might get to preview next week! Check the pod. Order some pot. And maybe help a friend?
This is my man Quincy Jones. If you don’t know him then I feel bad for you son. Whether it’s on the court, waiting at an open mic or a chance meeting on the bus, Quam has always been friendly and upbeat. Unfortunately, our man has been hit with cancer. It sucks but in classic Quincy fashion, he hasn’t let it take him over. It hasn’t beat him or his comedy and that’s why were here. He wants what we all want and that’s to film a special and get his art out into the world. Please check his Kickstarter page and help if you can. He already met his goal but everything helps. I know hospital bills ain’t cheap. Love you Q. See you soon baby.
What a panel of judges. RIch Vos is a legend, a real comics comic and still not Bobby Slayton. Bert Kreischer will be making his Roast Battle debut! He’s very popular on Vine and will be taping his Showtime special on April 1st at the Irvine Improv! You should get tix here because he is a very funny man. The Roastmaster, of course, wouldn’t miss a night as hot as this and will take his place in the VIP. He’ll be guest starring on Dr. Ken soon so be on the lookout for that. And last but not least, everyone’s favorite damaged girl, Annie Lederman is back! She’s hilarious and is on every show MTV and VH1 will let her be on. Check her site for more info!
In the first undercard, Sofiya Alexandra will be taking on Casey Ley!
The names in this battle alone are the two hottest names we’ve ever had. Sofiya with Y? Stop. Casey Ley? Dude, if you weren’t a dude you’d be porns hot new starlet. I’m not super familiar with these two so we’ll go to a pinned tweet-off?
“I feel like SNL should be better considering the world is about to end” – Casey Ley, 12/9/2015. 43 favs.
“which is the Beyonce song where it’s like we’re independent but also you should marry us but like we’re super-strong but also pay our bills” – Sofiya Alexandra, 12/17/2012. 3.3k favs.
Holy shit she crushed him. At least according to the numbers. But which tweet do I agree with more…oh it’s still hers? Rad. She’s the pick.
In the second undercard, Darran Davis is set to battle Jesus Erra!
Oh boy, we’ve got some noobz on our hands. In the past I might have been excited to break some roasted cherries but lately our virgins have been letting us down. I’d go to a tweet-off because of my lack of familiarity with these two but Jesus doesn’t even have one. Darran does but has only thirty-three more followers than the zero that follow Jesus. My instinct says to go with Darran but I’ll flip my script on this one and put my faith in Jesus.
In the third undercard, Terrence Newman is back and he’s battling rookie Robbie Goodwin!
Omg finally some people I know and am friends with. Terrence is a funny dude and has some sort of political standing with the city of Echo Park. This is should be quite a formal battle as Robbie is the king of Burbank. The masses will enjoy this one. Their friend chem should add to their battle and they are both good joke-writers. I’ll pick Terrence only because I didn’t pick the black guy in the last battle and it is their month.
Heather Marulli and Ernie Stone will be battling in the final undercard!
Wow, there’s been a lot of guys willing to challenge women lately. Everybody wanna be Mark Stevens but don’t nobody wanna be Mark Stevens. I don’t know Heather but she seems great. Ernie Stone is…Ernie Stone ya know. No matter where you land on the guy, he’s here. And you can’t take that away from him. I’d go to a tweet-off but her pinned tweet crushes every tweet he’s ever had. His last five may have garnered one fav. Yikes. The pick is Heather. She’s my ? of the week.
And in the Main Event, Becky Robinson will be matched up wtih GUam Felix!
I can’t wait for this battle. Becky is America’s sweetheart and her star is only getting bigger. Guam Felix is America’s bouncer and his stomach is only getting bigger. Guam is always good for a great battle. His jokes are simple but hilarious. The pick is Becky and not just because she’ll out joke my man Guam but because of her stellar troll job before the battle even happened. She organized a canned food drive for Guam and made a Facebook event for it. You know arduous and lame creating those things can be? Ol’ Beck did it for the zing. I thought it was real. I was like “Oh how presh. I’ll bring some chef. Chef Boyardee,” Not since Ali Mac on Jake Adams have wee seen social media and Roast Battle intertwined so beautifully.
I am 93-60 in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Follow show sponsor LA SpeedWeed on Twitter! Shout to the great Troy Conrad for the beautiful photos. Follow us IG, tweet us @roastbattle or email firstname.lastname@example.org for questions/concerns/other stuff.