Woo! First preview of the new year! Only another couple days of declaring things “New Year” things before you sound like a douche. Found this gem of our fearless leader, Brian Moses. Shout to him right? Always has the right thing to say, always has on a hip black shirt. Without him, there’d be no battle, no LA Speedweed sponso and Rell might still live in LA. Point is, we owe him a lot. If you want to know more about him and the creation of the show, check out the About Last Night podcast! It’s hosted by former judges Adam Ray and Brad Williams and is worth a listen if you’re a fan of the show. While you’re waiting for it to download, read these previews and order some glaucoma medicine. What a Tuesday for you.
Speaking of hot Tuesdays and plugs, before you head to the Comedy Store at 11 for all the action, come see you friend Josh Waldron at the Hollywood Improv! Ya boy is hosting the Super Secret Comedy Show there tonight at 8pm. Here’s where you can secure some tickets or you can hit me up. Sources say some of the biggest names in comedy might drop in! ???
Alright, back to biz with some previews.
Super stacked judges table this week. All J names, only the best letter in the alphabet. First up is handsomely named Josh Adam Meyers. Josh is a very funny man, has appeared in a Wave or two and is the creator of another one of the best shows in LA, the Goddamn Comedy Jam. Julie Goldman is making her Roast Battle debut and I couldn’t be more excited. She is one of the funniest people I’ve ever seen on a stage and will have no problem adapting to the nature of the show. Ok, let’s try this again. Sources tell me the Roastmaster finally does make his return to kick off the year with an especially hot start. But remember…I am constantly wrong. J squad…out!
The first undercard has a coupla noobs in Ron Bush and Ben Silver going at it!
I have middling expectations for this battle. Ron Bush is a good pal and a funny guy. He has the right energy and attitude for Roast Battle but will the bark match the bite? We’ll see. Not much is known about Ben Silver. I couldn’t find a social media account for him so I just Googled the name Ben Silver. This guy was the first result. I’m gonna pick Ron here just because he hooks me up at open mics and is genuinely nice person. Ben’s Google result looks like too much like “the man” and I’m all about fighting the power.
The second undercard finds Bryan Lee Perkins versus Thomas Kellogg!
Another battle brought to us by the Orange County! Bryan Lee Perkins looks like he can sure rock out his mom’s spare room so he should be able to rock a little harder than his last battle. He landed exactly one joke and three other punchless statements. Thomas Kellogg has a lot going on. His Facebook shows a wonderful family man. His Twitter reveals him to be some sort of comedy cowboy who hasn’t updated his podcast in five years. I’ll pick Bryan to draw off the experience of his last battle and get the win.
The third undercard is a surprise late add! Caesar Cono Lizard is set to battle Albert Escobedo!
Just found out about this one but I have thoughts and a pick on it nonetheless. Both are good dudes and funny guys. Caesar’s name basically means Salad with Lizard and it’s tough to get behind a name like that. I wasn’t to translate Albert’s name. He likes to use his full name on social media and such but we don’t recognize middle name here at the Roast Report. I know Caesar is chomping at the bit to get a win but last time I trusted him against a mild-mannered Latino, he let me down. The pick is Albert.
Jonathon Rowell is set to step into the ring for the first time against the undefeated Jeff Sewing!
I have never met Jonathon but he seems intent on parading his “millennial” status with an *NSYNC shirt. I’m sure Jeff won’t attack that at all. Speaking of Jeff, why do half of the battlers look like a dad tonight? It’s mid-life crisis week here at Roast Battle. Expect Coach Tea to have the Steely Dan queued and ready. I think we’ll be lifting a PBR can to cheers Jeff after he moves to 3-0 with a win. Jeff, after all, is one of the only people to beat Leah Kayajanian, new tourney favorite.
In the last battle of the evening, Eric Hollerbach looks to give a free win to Keith Carey!
Oh goodness, Eric, was last week not enough? When I was looking for Eric’s picture again on Twitter, I typed a K at the end of Eric instead of a C. This guy turned up and I promise you he would not have been as dreadful as Erik last week. Props? They’ve rarely worked in Roast Battle or comedy in general. Ok, you wanna get back in the ring. I get it. Redemption and all. But against Keith Carey? He is a monster. That picture is photoshopped, he’s actually fatter than modern lenses can represent. I know Keith is a gambling man. He could have accepted this to take a fall and cash in on some sort of underground Roast Battle gambling that we know nothing about. Everything is on the table. Which is rare because Keith eats most things on tables. The pick is most obviously Keith.
I am 79-47 in picks and my new tourney bracket is dunzo. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Follow show sponsor LA SpeedWeed on Twitter! Shout to the great Troy Conrad for the beautiful photos. Follow us on the only IG backed by the Report, tweet us @roastbattle or email email@example.com for questions/concerns/other stuff.