Sweet new flier! Earl Skakel is as dressed-down as he’ll ever be although I bet that t-shirt costs more than all my clothes put together. Pat Barker looks like he’s about to drop the mic because he told a great joke or wanted to pick up the sandwich he brought. The chick next to him just effing can’t. We’re still chuggin’ along here at the report, trying to brainstorm the next big roast event. No real news except the reporter will finally be returning to the ring!
What a stunner right? How is she single??? Oh right, she’s a Boston comic. They don’t deserve love. Shout out to Jeff May. Val will be the focus of my fury for the next few weeks until we battle in an undercard on March 8th. Val has a great comedy show called “Mermaid Comedy Hour” and runs a fun open mic every Thursday at 5:30 at the Lyric Hyperion Theatre. Amazing how much she can contribute to comedy despite not having a soul. #ginger
Ian Karmel makes his first trip to the judges table and this fellow writer is pumped. Ian is a very funny comic from Portland and a devout Trailblazers fan. I like Ian on Twitter for his jokes and hot sports takes. Look for him to bring the same wit and analysis to the show. Jeff, blurry pic and all, is back from whatever he does when he leaves us. We’ll have to catch him up on everything that’s happened since Riot. Hint: check the archives Jeff! Kirk Fox is one of the funniest humans around. His subtle humor and spot-on observations are always capable of setting the room on fire with laughter. And then there’s Thai Rivera. Thai is hilarious and unafraid to say exactly what he’s thinking of someone. He’ll make a great judge.
In the first undercard of the evening, Felipe Ramirez Jr. takes on Tony Alfano!
We’ll just call this one the “Diabetes Bowl”. These two are funny comedians and good dudes. I was going to go to a tweet-off to help me pick but Felipe hasn’t tweeted since 2014. To be honest, I’m shocked these two will be found out of the house given that today is National Pizza Day. The pick will be Tony and that’s based solely off his Orange County roots. I just hope he doesn’t wear a flannel button-up over a graphic t-shirt. I want to listen to your jokes not hate your wardrobe.
In the second undercard, Will Couch tries his luck against Joe Eurell!
This battle could go either way. Both battlers are coming off of a loss and one had to leave the state after failing to secure a win. Will Couch lost to Timothy J. Groeschel and hasn’t been seen around these parts since. Joe lost a nail-biter to Ryan Broems despite not being able to bite his nails. Joe is always funny and only lost his last battle because Ryan and his hair/googles combo looks far more retarded than Joe ever could. The pick is Joe. #thisisjustablog #wereallfriends
And in the final undercard, Steve Alan Green faces off against Leah Knauer!
This battle will be a doozy! It’s been a while since we’ve had battlers cool enough to get a Troy Conrad hallway pic. And yes, the pics are still dope af. Last time we saw the Sagman, he was dismantling Al Bahmani. Leah Knauer, multi-talented starlet that she is, returns to the ring after regaling the RiotLA Roast Battle crowd with the national anthem. There was nothing funny or amusing about the performance. it was just a song. Leah definitely didn’t do anything that would offend any groups, religious or not, during her rendition. Leah loves the Jews. I’ll go with Sagman for the W here.
Finally, in our Main Event, Toby Muresianu returns to roast Keith Carey!
Now this is what I call a heavyweight fight! Toby and his dulcet tones are back to square up against the ever-expanding Keith Carey! It’s nice to see Keith back in the ring so quickly. I’m sure it’s all just extra pub for his album that he’ll be recording next month. Or maybe it’s to get more clicks for the podcast he hosts. Either way, we’re glad he’s back to test the structural integrity of the Belly Room. Toby is another great friend and comedian. I want to make fun of Toby but he’s so nice. Imagine that the scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz was going through a divorce and you have Toby Muresianu. People who wait a while between battles tend to have an advantage so I’ll pick Toby.
I am 85-50 in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Follow show sponsor LA SpeedWeed on Twitter! Shout to the great Troy Conrad for the beautiful photos. Follow us IG, tweet us @roastbattle or email email@example.com for questions/concerns/other stuff.