Tonight’s the niiiight…we make HISTORYYYYY! Sold out bruh. Like Moses always says, this is a community project. And the community showed up. I got non-comic Lyft drivers telling me they’ve heard of the show, all four of them. We’ll crown the best roaster in Los Angeles tonight and witness a headliner bout for the ages. Check the pod. Order some pot. And get ready for the hottest night of comedy of the year. So far.
Couldn’t have asked for a better judges panel. Jason and Farrell Sklar are the reigning Roastie winners for Judge(s) of the Year. They always judge with accurate analysis and cutthroat burns for anyone on the stage. Their podcast Sklarboro County is one of the best around so subscribe/listen! Joe Derosa was last seen at Roast Battle losing to Sarah Tiana so I’m he’ll probably have some choice words for her. They’ve also hooked up and I’m sure it won’t be brought up at all. Finally, fresh off a crusher set on the Super Secret Comedy Show at RiotLA, Moshe Kasher returns to bring Bay Area swag to the Roast Battle. Check out his memoir and his latest special!
In the first match, Connor McSpadden is set to take on Joe Dosch!
I tried to pick a picture for these two where they looked the most natural. I expect Joe to carry the same “bitch, I look good” attitude from this photo to the RiotLA stage tonight. I think it’s the same one that Tre’ Stewart tried to use against him in a battle the predates the report. This could go down as the meanest matchup in Roast Battle history. Their jokes are as specific to their opponent as they are mean and neither battler loses often. I want to say they’re a combined 9-3 or something like that but the Committee has been out of commission for weeks. The pick is Connor in a tight match that could go to OT.
In the second match, Earl Skakel will clash with Olivia Grace!
I am excited for the tournament finals match. The headliner bout is a doozy. But something tells me this is the matchup people will be talking about long after the show is done. I would say Olivia is laughing at the size of Earl’s D but we’ve all seen what’s behind the Bowie. #rip. Earl’s been sneaking in zings on Olivia for the last few months during the show and they’ve all been great. I’ve seen Olivia on the Periscope feed so she’ll know what he’s been up to the last few months on the show (hint; it’s racism). I’m picking Grace and I’ll Olivia with the results. #yasss
In the third undercard and finals of the Roast Battle Royale, Leah Kayajanian locks horns with Pat Barker!
Look at my widdo babies! Leah looks super happy and Pat looks like he shit his pants on purpose. I love them both. Both are underdogs as Leah was the last added to the tourney and no one has picked Pat to win anything ever. I want to make fun of Leah too but that pic is just so happy. Um…who wears thumb rings? Let’s take a look at the jokes that got them here.
“Fuck this alcoholic. I should’ve battled the wheelchair kid earlier. Not only is he way funnier but way more likely to complete twelve steps.” – vs Luke Schwartz,. round 1
“Hormoz’ career has been stuck at ground zero for so long, it built a mosque there.” – vs Hormoz Rashidi, round 2
“The best part Omid’s eventual suicide will be watching him get put in the friend zone seventy –two times.” -vs Omid Singh, semifinals
“If Frank were an animal, he’d be an owl going through chemo.” – vs Frank Castillo, round 1
“Why do I feel like if I hug you, poop will come out of your mouth?” – vs Keith Carey, round 2
“You look like the ’Ghost of Gloryholes Past’.” – vs Joe Dosch, semifinals
The pick is Leah. But best of luck to both of you. May the roast ever be in your favor. #topical
And in our headliner bout, Sarah Tiana is matched up with Guy Branum!
This will be a helluva match. Sarah has awesome on the show and I think is the only person to have ever judged, battled and sat at the Hater’s table. Guy has judged and battled but is unlikely to fit at the Hater’s section. Guy’s album “Effable” is amazing and Sarah Tiana is touring the country when she’s not raining roast jokes with us in the Belly Room. Check her site for info! I’ll pick Guy here. He overcame Mike Lawrence in his last battle and Mike’s a HOF roaster.
I am 85-50 in picks and my new tourney bracket is dunzo. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Follow show sponsor LA SpeedWeed on Twitter! Shout to the great Troy Conrad for the beautiful photos. Follow us IG, tweet us @roastbattle or email email@example.com for questions/concerns/other stuff.