Another Troy Conrad classic of Boon in
his her it’s Tuesday best. Speaking of Boon, it’s Thanksgiving week and we need to think of the less fortunate and destitute. If you have time and aren’t busy or visiting the family you left for Los Angeles, here’s some info about places you can give back! Or just watch football and give back to yourself like every year and you can be one of these.
Helluva judges panel tonight. They’re three of the funniest people The Comedy Store has on the wall and they’ve all been taking over the comedy scene recently. Natasha had a recent special called “Live at Bimbo’s” that was fantastic and her show “Another Period” is steamrolling towards a second season on Comedy Central. Ari Shaffir has his podcast Skeptic Tank, a couple of stand-up specials, and his own Comedy Central show, “This Is Not Happening”. Moshe has a new show coming out on Showtime and his own special called “Live in Oakland”. These three have been paid regulars at the Comedy Store for a long time and will take no prisoners with their judgement and analysis.
In the first undercard of the night, Johanna Petree (0-0, UR) goes against Rena Hundert (0-0, UR)!
Ooh! Rookie cat fight! These don’t happen often so get to the show early and get a good seat. I’ve seen Johanna on a few shows and she’s great. She sprinkles music in her sets and I’ve always had a soft spot for a songstress. Rena, a fellow crooner herself, blessed us with the Canadian National anthem a while back. I’ll pick Rena here. Only because she refuses to remember my name.
The second undercard has Mark Alexandr (0-0, UR) roasting his cherry against Tony Bartolone (1-0, 80)!
These two are great. Good people, funny comedians and look like parallel universe alternates of Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts. Tony had an impressive win a while back and looks to continue that here. Mark will have the energy and joke-writing chops to compete and it should be a tight battle. It’s just too tough to snag your first win against a veteran. The pick is Tony.
In our third undercard, Jake Sachs (0-0, UR) will make his debut against Zane Pond (1-0, 71)!
Really excited for the return of Zane Pond! He had a great showing in his first battle and has a strong name. I like Zane because if he ever says “Do you know who my father is?”, it could be the KFC Colonel or a secretly recorded Hulk Hogan. Jake looks like when he adds you on Facebook, you’re instantly getting tagged in a post about those sunglasses with 67 other people. His Twitter is minefield of topical jokes, so expect that tonight against Zane. Also, expect a win a from Zane.
In our first tourney undercard of the evening, Frank Castillo (0-0, RBR) matches up with Leah Kayajanian (0-0, RBR)!
How is this picture of Frank not a meme yet? That look when someone brings Nutella to a gang bang. That look when you gained twelve pounds and not fifteen. That look when you feel the gerbil is still alive. Please, internet, have at it. Despite the tone of what I just wrote, I love Frank. He opened up the last Hella Show and crushed it. His roast jokes are always top-tier. As for Leah, I was wandering around a Halloween party, dressed as Finn from Adventure Time, and what was playing in the living room as a bunch of drunk people watched from the couch? That’s right, Roast Battle and Hella Show veteran, Leah Kayajanian! I snapped a photo to be used when she next battled. Leah is seriously funny and a brilliant roaster. This will be quite the fight but I think Leah edges out Frank and moves on.
In the second tourney undercard, Hormoz Rashidi (0-0, RBR) takes on Jerry Thomas Light III (0-0, RBR)!
Door Guys. Fantasy Footballers. Brothers in comedy. Many things connect these two but all that will be forgotten when they step in the ring. My love for Jay is well-documented in these posts so let’s talk some Hormoz. Good dude, great roaster and comedian. He’s someone many roasters look to when they need help with their jokes. He’s a funny dude from Iran so he makes “Most Watched” lists in LA and LAX. Jay, despite his lack of skill in Super Smash Brothers, is still smarting off his lost to recently eliminated Kim Congdon (0-1, RBR). Hormoz, like Pete C (1-0, RBR), has not battled in a while but Pete hadn’t either when he completed his upset. I’m gonna go Hormoz here. Last time I picked Jay, he lost and someone was killed in front of the Store. Butterfly effect, right? Good luck boys.
Our final tourney undercard pits reigning ranks champion Joe Dosch (0-1, RBR) against Rich Slaton (0-0, RBR)!
This should be a slobber knocker. Joe has been our Ron Rousey of the Roast Battle, racking up wins and looking good in a dress since he first arrived on the scene. Rich, on the other hand, isn’t very photogenic so I chose an animated picture of him. These two are some of the best, most brutal roasters we have. Joe’s dismissive snark will have a tough matchup against Rich, whose hilariously mean zings always tiptoe the line of “too far”. Rich is a fellow NorCal boy and lives in the middle of a comedy/MMA Venn diagram but Joe is just too good. He’s number one! In our hearts, in our ranks and in this matchup tonight.
I am 68-43 in picks and my tourney bracket is already busted. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Follow pod sponsor Living Extracts on Twitter and IG. Shout to the great Troy Conrad for the beautiful photos. Follow us on the only IG backed by the Report, tweet us @roastbattle or email firstname.lastname@example.org for questions/concerns/other stuff.