This Tuesday night is heavy in unpredictable battlers and possible disasters, but luckily for us, a panel of trained professionals will lead the way from the VIP section tonight.

Our firing squad for the evening consists of all-star judges, season one champ, Mike Lawrence and then leader of our verbally violent circus, Roastmaster General Jeffrey Ross. They’ll have their work cut out for them as they navigate a night of new roasters, big personalities and packed fight card featuring two main events.

First up is a virgin suicide featuring first-time battlers Enrique Manuel Gonzales and Dyson Styles.

Since neither of these to have any battle history and I am unfamiliar with their comedy, it remains a mystery whether or not this battle has potential, but if there’s one thing we’ve learned over the past few years, you can’t discount a rookie. Especially when those rookies are also coming to us from the world of battle rap. Hopefully, these two are ready to show what they’re made of lest they be eaten alive. Good luck to the both of them.

The next match features yet another new battler, Courtney Peterson and returning lovable fat guy, Bruce Gray.

Courtney is a seasoned comic from Austin, Texas. She was a contender for the Funniest Person In Austin last year and no doubt has the potential to make an explosive first impression in her Roast Battle debut. Her opponent is a comedian of comparable talent and charisma. However, Bruce has some experience in the ring which may give him a slight advantage, but either way, these two are primed for a killer battle.

Then, it’s time to see some veteran roasters with a clash between Lou Vahram and Doon Sanders.

Lou is a wildcard on the Roast Battle stage. The quality of his battles may be all over the map, but Lou always has a certain charm and sometimes a terrible shirt that makes for fun exchanges with judges and he truly embraces the spirit of the show. In his most recent battle, he gracefully took an absolute ass-whooping, for lack of a better word, from Valerie Tosi on his birthday, but I for one am ready to see him come back with a vengeance against Doon Sanders. Doon’s most recent battle ended in a win for Coach Tea after a disappointing showing, so ideally, he’ll have stepped up his game in order to give Lou a run for his money.

Wrapping up the undercard portion of the evening, Heather Marulli takes on Guam Felix and his dumb ponytail.

Heather Marulli is one of the most dynamic battlers in the roasting arena and though her record may not reflect it, she is a force to be reckoned with. She’s taken a couple of tough losses recently so she’s sure to come into the ring full swing. Guam Felix most recently suffered defeat at the hands of Galina Ravina in the first round of the tournament and will be looking to redeem himself tonight as well. These are two heavy hitters with something to prove, so we’re ready for a bloodbath.

In the first of two five-joke main events, Paige Wesley will gear up to fight new dad Caesar Lizardo.

Both battlers were eliminated in the first round of the recent tournament. However, that is no indicator of their ability in the ring. Caesar and Paige are both fierce competitors and have had ample time to regroup and come back full force. Caesar’s vast experience and finely tuned joked writing skills combined with Paige’s likable energy and clever cruelty should create a back and forth that lights up the room and sets the tone for the final battle.

The night is sure to end with a bang when former champion Alex Hooper takes the stage to battle a beauty who writes like a beast, Chloe McGovern.

Chloe is a comic who once resided here in Los Angeles, but deserted us to kill on the other coast. Since then, she has become one of New York’s finest battlers and is back to take on LA’s fiercest walking cartoon characters. She’s got herpes and he’s got… probably something worse than herpes and tonight they’re going to infect the entire room with laughter and STD’s.

Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11:30 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.

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