Aww! Squad goals! I must have skipped over this beauty last week. It features three prominent figures in this weekend’s Riot action. Earl Skakel will be battling Olivia Grace, a Roast Battle darling before the fuzz intervened. Sarah Tiana is still the number one ranked headliner (remember those?) and a great comedian. She’ll be trying her luck against all of Guy Branum. And then there’s Pat Barker. Ready to take on Leah Kayajanian in the finals. We’ll get into detail about those later in the week! Get your tickets! For now, let’s go back a year. When ya boy made his Roast Battle debut. It was against my pal Aaron Marsh and was a year ago to the day. “The Battle That No One Saw” is what I like to call it. Let’s give it a proper review shall we? At least of what I remember. As unbiased as I can be Complete with pictures from last January. ?
In the only match of the evening, Aaron Marsh fell to Josh Waldron!
Great battle. Our debut at the Riot LA festival is this weekend so it was a bit of a low-key night here in the Belly Room. Aaron looks like his only friends are the six on the DVD cover he holds in his hand. Josh looks like he’s trying to sell everyone on a bulge in those tight jeans but I guarantee it’s all phone and no bone. Let’s get to their jokes.
“Aaron was so undersized and unwanted when he was born he wasn’t a dumpster baby, he was a wastebasket baby.
“Josh is so deep in the closet, he found Narnia.”
There were a lot more jokes, that’s just all I can recall. I have a feeling some form of that “Narnia” joke will get used again by other roasters. Idk why. There were no scheduled judges but Tony Hinchcliffe popped in as soon as heard there was still a battle. He guided a second round where Josh came out (damn it) as the eventual winner.
If you want to read about someone’s past battle, just google their name followed by “roast battle tumblr” and matchup the date! It’s made calling up battles and jokes and photos from the past year way easier. And it’ll get me some clicks! I’m tryin to get that ad money too bruh. LA Speedweed is great but don’t put food on my kids’ plates.
Could we get a few more white dudes? No jp of course. These are three favs! Jay Larson is a super funny comedian and one of the few judge/battler crossovers we have. He lost to Mark Normand last year SXSW. Theo Von has judged most of my battles and is one of my favorite comedians to watch. Be sure to catch his Netflix special “No Offense” when it drops at the end of February! And then there’s always Jeff Ross. It’s nice to have him back regularly.
In the first undercard of the evening, Eric Carter is set to battle Evan Cassidy!
We’ve got two white guys battling. How bad does Eric wish Rell’s rule was still in place? If you remember that you’re an RB OG. This will be a fun battle. I hope. I thought last week was gonna be good but it was so low energy I fell asleep and was scolded by Guam Felix. Evan is coming off a loss to Nick Petrillo from back in December while Eric is coming off only losses. Like he’s never won. I’m sure Eric will continue his upward roasting trend but Evan’s joke-writing will win this.
In the second undercard, Skippy Greene faces off against The Saudi Prince!
Hot matchup. Skippy Greene has apparently been telling dick jokes and smoking cigars for fifty years in the LA comedy scene. You can head to his web site if you want more although I pretty much covered it. He’s got two albums so I think he’ll be prepared to write a few roast jokes. And it was only a matter of time before The Saudi Prince made his debut at Roast Battle. What he lacks in albums he makes up in oil drums he’ll be selling after the show. Head to his web site if you want more although I pretty much covered it. The show is nothing if not a racism contest and The Saudi Prince has never been one for cultural understanding. He will win then flee the country.
And the Main Event, Rena Hundert clashes against Anna Valenzuela!
Woo hoo! It’s been a while since we’ve had two ladies in Main Event! With this and the Crimson Wave a few weeks ago, Roast Battle has to be in the running for some sort of broad conscious badge or something. I’ll have my secretary look into it. Speaking of things I’d look into (gross), this will be an all-time clash of women with shoulder-length brown hair and striped shirts! How about Loser Leaves Town-style? Loser has to get a pixie cut and commit to patternless tops. Man, I am such a girl. Rena has had great joke-writing in her previous battles but Anna set the room on fire last time she was here. The pick is Anna.
I am 86-50 in picks and my new tourney bracket is dunzo. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Follow show sponsor LA SpeedWeed on Twitter! Shout to the great Troy Conrad for the beautiful photos. Follow us IG, tweet us @roastbattle or email email@example.com for questions/concerns/other stuff.