We’re taking a week off from the tournament, which will resume next week when The Fearless Four will narrow the battleground to the Tasteless Two who’ll compete in the final three-round bloodbath March 20th. Let’s meet our judges:
Pushing positive energy on the abhorrent battlers will be the one and only, you got it, Brody Stevens. Yes! From way too much stuff to mention, but most recently seen on HBO’s Crashing, Wayne Federman will be crashing the judges’ dais. And overseeing Tuesday’s ceremony of acrimony will be the Roastmaster General, Jeff Ross. Let’s roast!
In our first undercard, long-time battler Scott Kidd seeks to knock off first-time battler Dennis Wilson.
Scott Kidd looks like a local news anchor for a city with no black people in it, and Dennis Wilson looks like he brags about knowing famous rappers from the 80’s. This looks like a battle between the boss’ son and the person he just fired for selling weed to other employees. We totally psyched to see Wilson battle his prosecutor. Dennis is the personification of everything the Reagan Administration hated, while simultaneously sharing Ronnie’s love of jellybeans and rapidly declining mental health. We’ll all be waiting with bated breath to see if Kidd brings his tiki torch to roast this wacko.
Capping off Black History Month, it’s the war for Wakanda with Aston Wallace trading barbs with Rasheed Stephens.
Cue up the Kendrick for some black-on-black action. These dudes look like they’re doing their first set after their first TV credits, but that would mean these pics were taken in the future or an alternate universe. Rasheed Stephens busted Dan Nolan’s battle cherry in a rookie match that was so vicious it led Stephens into a nearly three year period of inactivity. Tonight he makes his return facing off against Aston Wallace, who has one battle and one win under his belt. We’ll see who has access to vibranium, and who’ll get a basketball court dedicated to their memory in Oakland. One thing’s for sure: this fight will be punctuated by Roast Battle’s own Dora Milaje, The All Black Girl Choir.
In our final undercard, Richelle Meiss attempts to step up her game stepping to Movses Shakarian.
We’re all really excited to see Zooey DeRichelle battle it out with Movses Not-Allowed-Carry-On. It’s not every day you get to see somebody body bag their fag hag. We’ve seen Movses put on some great performances in the past, and Richelle had a promising debut. Can this new girl overcome being the underdog in this catfight? She’s going to have to put the jerky in quirky to beat the pride out of this Armenian sodomite.
Closing out the night is a main event fight that is sure to draw blood when Jay Light goes blow for blow with Leah Kayajanian.
These are two of the best in the biz. This one has the potential to burn down the Belly Room when these killers start spitting fire. Jay Light is one of the most fiercely competitive fighters to step into the Thunderdome. He’s hit high highs, low lows and he’s hungry for a big win. Leah Kayajanian has delivered some of the most creative concoctions and pitch-perfect observations in this modern day war of words. When these heavyweights come to play you can expect three rounds of nothing but haymakers and neck-breakers. It’s going to be a big brawl jam-packed with wrecking balls and close calls. Jabs, stabs and verbal violence!
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11:30 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.