Well, it was another dandy in the Belly Room of the Comedy Store #OnATuesday.  Our judges were Rell and Ross of course, but this we week had the pleasure of welcoming back Chelsea Peretti, who plays the darling Gina Linetti on this writer’s favorite show, Brooklyn 99. We had all of Keith Carey (2-0) against roast/life virgin Michael James Benson (0-1) in the undercard and Store mainstays Willie Hunter (1-3) versus Luke Schwartz (3-1).


The vibe was hot as usual in the Belly Room of the Comedy Store. I picked a spot back near the Coach. Moses brought our undercard on stage, setting the stage by comparing Keith Carey to Frank Ocean. Jeff Ross wonders if we’re recasting Stand By Me and the crowd howls. The #zings come from all over up here. Michael James Benson, all one and a half hands of him, got on stage and just started shouting. I don’t know what he said. No one did. But it worked for him. My pre-battle notion that Keith would win was on point. He had well-crafted jokes and punchlines that got The Wave to rush the stage multiple times.


Great undercard, with the added bonus of Roast Battle favorite, Pat Regan, played “MJB, Stay the Fuck Away From Me”, a song about one of the battlers.

I give this battle ???/???.


Now we to that main event, son. I was looking forward to this. Luke Schwartz, the Eeyore of the 1000 Acre Wood that is the Comedy Store, was an early pal for me when I started walking the halls. Ive only met Willie Hunter a few times. Like 6 times. But they were 6 solid times and he followed me back on Twitter. So he’s a cool guy. Willie set himself real nice with his entrance. Crowd surfed in without a shirt on? #RoastSoHard. However, his swag was kinda undone when the Coach played the opening theme to the Lion King. Perfect joke.

This battle was underwhelming with a super strong first round and a half. Luke won the first round but there was a new judging system. So there was no first round winner. Willie’s second round comprised mostly of jokes about how Luke’s gf just left him, which can make people sad unless they have a big punch. Luke hit him back with jokes about being on Jerrod Carmichael’s dick, which can be sad unless it has a big punch. The battle ended with more rules confusion. Luke was the obvious winner but a miscommunication lead to a trainwreck of a 4th round. Luke almost won by default after that.

I give this battle ???/?????.

Judges Joke of the Night
“Willie dropped out of Auburn unexpectedly. Not the college, Auburn is his mom’s name.”-Luke Schwartz, Main Event first round.
Writer’s Joke of the Night
“Michael, your hands and your jokes are both incapable of generating applause”-Keith Carey, undercard.

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