by Keith Carey
Another week brings another installment of Roast Battle.
Some of Los Angeles’ best and brightest (and, y’know, the other ones) are
coming out of the woodwork to step into the ring. Tonight’s fight card is
stacked, and in honor of the Thanksgiving holiday, let us gorge ourselves on
combat until we pass the fuck out.
The judges’ panel this week features a panel newbie alongside some vets who know the show’s ins and outs. Grace the Belly Room with his prescence for the very first time tonight is Chris Redd, rising stand-up star and one of the many bright parts of this summer’s Popstar: Never Stop Never Stopping. Weighing in on tonight’s
action next to him will be future host of Comedy Central’s Hood Adjacent, James Davis, who has served as both a judge and competitor on Roast Battle in multiple eras of comedy Thunderdome. Finally, as per usual, the Roastmaster General Jeff Ross will be sliding into his reserved seat to sling critiques and cheer on champions. Let’s get to know our battlers, shall we?
First up, we’ve got Jamario McClain versus David Lucas!
Damn, somebody call George Zimmerman because Jamario’s got
guns. That beefy-armed Adonis is Jamario McClain. Jamario has done battle
before, but has left something to be desired in his past performances. I’m not
familiar with David Lucas, pictured here either being a great father or midway
through a super cooperative kidnapping, but hopefully these two can open the
night up strong.
After that, Bo Laughman goes toe to toe with Matthew
Bo is a gnarly skater, while Matthew looks more likely to
shred a halfpipe in a Rascal scooter. I’ve seen Maloney at a few open mics
around town and he definitely has potential, while I haven’t seen Bo anywhere
except as the default guy on Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3, so this one is a big fat
Next up, Lou Vahram gets down and dirty with Stephen Furey!
Lou might look like a delivery boy for a pizza restaurant
with cameras in the toilets, but his Roast Battle star is on the rise. He’s
coming off of a stunning victory against Ashton Swinford, and hoping to make
good on the promise he showed in that fight. Stephen Furey is a door guy at the
Store and has one Roast Battle under his belt, against co-worker Isak Allen. Currently, his biggest credit is being
mistaken for fellow door guy Steven Randolph, but he’s a very sharp comic and
tonight could be big for him if he plays his cards right.
In the last undercard of the evening, Nicole Becannon gets
verbally violent with Anne Flagg!
Nicole is seen here at her day job: being one of those
spooky paintings from Scooby-Doo with the moving eyes. Despite her creepy
peepers, Nicole is becoming a force to be reckoned with. She’s coming off a tough
loss to Bryan Vokey, but her decimation of Dan Nolan was a thing of beauty, and
I’m very excited to see what she brings to the table tonight. Anne looks like
the version of Marilyn Monroe you’d buy at a swap meet. Hopefully she’s got her
jokes in order, because she’s up against a beast. Looking forward to this
In the first of tonight’s two main events, Jeff Sewing takes
a shot at the Comedy Store’s golden boy, Jay Light!
Jay looks like the son Jeff never had. Or, rather, Jeff looks like the father who wishes he never had Jay. Jay is coming off an insane
month, with this battle marking his fourth bout in November. He’s gone 3-0 in
those fights, including at the Denver taping of Road To Roast Battle for Comedy
Central, but it remains to be seen whether he will finish the month strong, or
if fatigue will take its toll on him as it has on battlers who have attempted
this packed of a schedule in the past. On the other side of the card is Jeff Sewing, a man who’s earned significant acclaim despite having a relatively
brief career in battle. His fights have been few and far between, but each one
has been clever, memorable, and Jeff has more than earned his spot at the big
kids’ table tonight. Will he shut down the Jay-ggernaut? Or will his rustiness
from a long period of inactivity make him easy prey? We’ll find out…
And in the final match of the evening, the L.A. championship
is on the line as Pat Barker takes on reigning #1 fighter Alex Hooper!
These are two of the finest battlers in the world, and the fact
that it took this long for them to face off is unthinkable. Pat Barker is a
daunting joke-writer. His punches are always varied, unpredictable, and
absolutely brutal. He’s one of the greatest minds to grace the ring, both in
comedic terms and when it comes to strategy. Alex Hooper is the model of a
perfect Roast Battle performer. Since his tenure began at the earlier stages of
the show’s history, he has combined savage jokes with a cartoonish level of
energy to create a nigh-unbeatable powerhouse. He has only been defeated twice,
and considering those losses came at the hands of former champion Joe Dosch and
America’s sweetheart Olivia Grace, you see how hard he is to take down. But if
anybody can do it, it’s Pat. Will the ugliest man in America maintain his
stranglehold on the belt? Or will it change hands to the second ugliest man in
America? The answer will blow your mind and probably make you puke! Strap in,
everybody, this is going to be a wild fucking ride.
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.