by Keith Carey
Roast Nation is abuzz! The first two episodes of the Roast
Battle II Regionals have aired on Comedy Central, and Sunday night brings the show
home to the place it all began, the World Famous Comedy Store. As we wait on
baited breath to find out which roasters will move on to the final tournament
at the legendary House of Blues on Sunset, the Belly Room will be packed with
the same brutal battle action you know and love.
The Roastmaster General himself, Jeff Ross, will be on hand,
fresh from finding the hottest roasters in America. Season One Champion Mike
Lawrence makes a welcome return to the judges’ panel. Comedy icon/Creed roadie
Big Jay Oakerson lends his wisdom and insight tonight, as does that guy from
“Undateable” that’s not D’Elia or the black one or the funny one. All jokes
aside, Rick Glassman is a great comic and always a welcome face at the table.
Our first undercard pits Vikram Bhoyrul against Zach Stein!
This battle will be worth watching just to watch Moses try
to pronounce Vikram’s name. I’m not familiar with Vikram, but his profile
picture was taken at Flapper’s so even if he doesn’t have chops, at least we
know he has five or more friends! He’ll face off against Zach Stein, pictured
here turning into the absolute shittiest version of the Incredible Hulk. Will
this Jew control yet another pocket of the media, or will Vikram and his name
full of nonsense consonants reign supreme?
Up next is Katrina Davis versus Lauren Davis!
Despite the shared surname, I’m going to go out on a limb
and guess these two are not related. Hopefully Katrina’s presence in the ring
is half as bombastic as that Pam Grier afro she’s rocking. Lauren in overalls
might look like the Eileen that Dexy’s Midnight Runners were coming on,
but tonight it could be her turn to cream a bitch.
After that, Dave Nieker trades blows with Julian Fernandez!
Jesus Christ, what can you say about Dave Nieker that hasn’t
been said about Sasquatch? He’s hairy, disgusting, and despite my skepticism,
there’s just enough evidence that I can’t confidently say I don’t believe in
him. I gave Dave a lot of shit in this blog previously, and he rose to the
challenge relatively well. Julian is a nice guy, and he’s coming off of a
disastrous recent loss to Dave Neal, so he’s got nothing to lose and everything
to prove tonight.
Our next match sees a clash between BJ Courchaine and Zahra
Speaking of disasters, BJ Courchaine returns to the ring
after an awkward match that saw him alienating the crowd and the judges. We all
make bad choices, and I have a lot of respect for anybody who gets back in the
ring after experiencing the nightmare that is bombing at Roast Battle. His opponent
is Zahra Ali, a name that sounds like it belongs to one of the bounty hunters
from “The Empire Strikes Back.” Will BJ redeem himself, or will beauty kill the
Then we’ve got Shannon Leigh getting dirty with Dave Neal!
Shannon looks like she’s doubled over laughing after getting
a Tinder message from Dave “Bro-Lord” Neal. Dave’s a ranked fighter, and has
shown quite a bit of promise. However, his last battle was a shitshow, and
he’ll have to put in serious work to get back in the good graces of the crowd.
Shannon hosts a show called Basement Comedy, so at least she’ll have somewhere
to bury the body if she takes down Dave.
Our final undercard is set to be a barn-burner, with Robbie
Goodwin going toe-to-toe with Jake Adams!
Robbie Goodwin has the potential to be the future of this
game. His 2016 was daunting, with crushing victories stacking up as he became
known for his twitchy, bug-eyed charm and loose, improvisational style between
jokes. In this writer’s opinion, the only battler with a more impressive season
was Anna Valenzuela, and the gap is narrow enough to put Robbie in rarified
air. He’s up against Jake Adams tonight, a terrific writer with an uneven fight
history. For every time Jake has showed up ready to take some serious shots, we’ve
also seen him half-prepared and easily trounced. Hopefully he’s stepped up his
game, or he’ll be easy work for the Mayor of Burbank.
In a super-fun match-up, our main event is Leah Kayajanian
against Jonathan Rowell!
This will be a huge battle. Leah is a former Roast Battle
champion, and always shows up in fighting shape. Her jokes are mean, clever,
and hit like a ton of bricks. Jonathan Rowell has made a huge impression at
Roast Battle, despite having made relatively few appearances. He is arguably the
most talented unranked fighter the show has, and I wouldn’t be shocked if he
pulled an upset and body-bagged the champ tonight. Regardless of the outcome,
expect big laughs from these two.
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from the impeccable Troy Conrad, and watch live on Periscope at 11 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person.
If you live in Los Angeles, get your tickets now to see the upcoming tapings of Roast Battle II: War of the Words, which will take place at the old House of Blues – right across the street from the Comedy Store – on January 20th, 22nd, 24th, and 29th. Use promo code “thecomedystore” to reserve your seat.
Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.