Hey everybody! Jay Light here. Your usual author Josh Waldron is stepping into the ring this week, so to avoid a conflict of interest, he’s asked me to take the Roast Report reins. Knowing Josh, though, he’ll complain about my writing the way he complains when I kick his ass at Super Smash Bros. I can already hear him now…“bro, not enough abbreves!”
We’ll get to Josh’s battle – and our two undercards – in a minute. First, our judges:
The Sklar Brothers are returning to the Battle for their third judging stint. The last time we saw this dynamic duo was at Riot LA, where they provided the trademark quick wit and hilarious commentary that we’ve come to expect from watching Cheap Seats, United Stats of America, and all their other cancelled shows.
Theo Von is also sliding into the judge’s chair this week. Theo recently performed in the Roast of Jesus Christ, earning himself a one-way ticket to eternal hellfire and torture at the hands of Satan himself. Sorry, bud, you should have stuck to Road Rules!
Let’s get to the previews, shall we?
Our undercards this week all feature new battlers! It’s always nice to see some new blood enter the Roast Battle ring. The show’s been going on for nearly two years now, but the new crop of battlers we’ve had lately has really helped keep the show livened up.
The first undercard: Rob O’Reilly (0-0) vs. Danny Jolles (0-0)!
This is a tough pick for me. I’ve seen both these guys perform and do well, but since neither of them has battled before, it’s hard to gauge how they’ll do. However, Danny’s website may have the most cringe-worthy layout I’ve seen since 9-year-old me made a website when at computer camp. It still says he lives in New York for chrissakes.
Danny, unless you get your act together, I’m giving this one to Rob.
Our second undercard: Keith Reza (0-0) vs. Michael James Benson (0-0)!
It’s a battle of the disabilities, folks. Keith has Asperger’s syndrome (like our official unofficial official Joshua Meyrowitz), and MJB has cerebral palsy. I’ve never seen Keith perform and I know that MJB is not afraid to call himself a cripple, so who knows what he’ll sling Keith’s way. I’ve got Michael for this battle.
Our main event: Josh Waldron (1-0, #40) vs. Doug Fager (1-0, #47)!
This battle should be some hot, hot fire. Josh has been itching to battle Doug for months now, and Doug decided to scratch that itch. I’ve seen both these guys battle and do sets. They’ve both run jokes for this battle by me – don’t worry, I didn’t spoil anything to them, I respect the integrity of the Battle – and I think they’ve both got some heavy hitters. Yet, having seen the fire that comes into Josh’s eyes right before he mounts a Super Smash Bros. comeback, I have to say I think he’ll kick on the afterburners. Josh Waldron gets my pick.
See y’all tonight.