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I got a sneak preview of this pic the night of. Long time from the Josh Martin v Kenny Lion, our first battlers, battling over…probably something stupid. Ask them on twitter. But that first one started at a mic after Moses stopped the from actually fighting. From that to this. The Roastmaster General is there for almost* every show. We had the cast of the new hit show Undateable, whose second season airs tonight and should be watched or caught up with tomorrow through various channels. #plugcity. And it won’t stop here. Heck, I would not be surprised it made it to various channels sooner rather than later.

Wasn’t able to get a ton of info about this battle, as it was the final battle of SXSW, and I’m sure many adult beverages were enjoyed. But…we still move these reviews bruh.

This is gonna be a bit of visual recap but we’ll have some hard hitting info for sure. Starting with Ashley Barnhill (3-0) taking down Chris Cubas (0-1)!

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Ah yes. 2-0 night for ya boy. What a scene. But here we have Chris hydrating. Moses enjoying the mome. And Ashley, crossed arms and red plaid, her Roast armor, not pleased. Sources** tell me this was a close battle! They split the first two rounds and then Ashley closed it out in round three. I’m gonna post a few joke favs but all the jokes they sent me fantastic. Follow/ask them on twitter for more deets!

ASHLEY ON CHRIS

“Those guys are undateable, but you’re unfuckable. Unless your girlfriend knows how to operate a crane.”-first round

“Are we at a sushi restaurant because Hootie just ate the Blowfish.”-second round

“Chris’s comedy scatters more crowds than a drunk driver at SXSW.”-round 3. Crowd. Goes. Bonk. If you dont remember, here. Should I have linked to that? Idk. I did. Anyway, let’s move forward.

“Undateable is like Chris’s weight, because no one is watching it either.”-round 3.

No one is safe during Ashley’s battle. Not judges. Not Chappelle. Not entire casts of shows. Chris had some crushers as well.

CHRIS ON ASHLEY

“I don’t want to call Ashley a slut because that’s not a strong enough word. You have to TRY to NOT fuck Ashley Barnhill. She met Bill Cosby and he gave her two red bulls and an extra large coffee.”-round unknown

“Ashley Barnhill is what you get if you feed Sarah Silverman after midnight.”round unknown

“Ashley’s career stinks. Apparently the one thing you can’t catch from sucking Jeff Ross’s cock is a break.”-round unknown. Also, I love that when a girl is getting roasted, she definitely blew Jeff Ross. See that? Master a joke type. Then get theoretically blown in jokes forever.

Our next battle had slightly less info for me but here at the Roast Report we post what we know. Mark Normand (2-0) slayed Jay Larson (0-1)!

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Sources** tell me this was all Mark all the way. Jay had good jokes in round two but delivered them too fast and the audience didn’t really get on board. Reached out to Mark and Jay for some jokes. Their representatives (Facebook fan pages) have not gotten back to me as of the time of this writing.

Welp. That’s it! There is no roast tonight but that won’t stop the Report. We’ll have a rankings change and more news im sure this week. 

*Jeff wasn’t around for the first SXSW battle because he was roasting Justin Bieber. He also missed this writer’s battle, due to RiotLA obligations.

**Sources are whomever I get info from on the battle. This time it was a few battlers, Rich and Moses. Thanks bros.

I am 13-7 so far in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Tweet us @roastbattle or email [email protected] for questions/concerns/other stuff.

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