We have a few spotlights to shine this week here at the Roast Report. Let’s drop some love to Coach Tea. All the theme music for the battlers and the show? That’s Coach Tea. The machine gun and explosion drops? Coach Tea. The dial tone or the Mario death sound? Coach Tea will make a bad joke so much worse. All of that is a glorious part of how funny and insane the show is. I’ve seen him DJ and run sound at a few other Comedy Store shows and he keeps the vibes just as hot. He played the Jeopardy waiting sound for Whitney effing Cummings. No one is safe. Give him a follow or hire him to make something of yours better.
Oh nice! New ranks! What a top 10! Comedy Store employees! Haters! Headlining comedians! That’s what it takes to be great at this I guess. There could be some movement in the upper ranks tonight and we’re inching towards 150 battlers total. The headliner ranks may even shake up some time or another. Speaking of the ranks, there’s been
very little a lot of talk about the math or process of the ranks. The Committee, I remind you, is a shadowy organization hell-bent on secrecy. I know a few guidelines. They favor win streaks. They favor dominant joke-telling and love a great show from both battlers. They watch on Periscope, as you should be if you can’t make it or are another shadowy organization. Inactivity in the ring will get you pushed down as closely-ranked battlers continue fighting. I’ll tell you more the next time they send me a mysterious message.
In other roasting news, a roast show you can get behind debuts tonight in New York City! The Interrobang did a great job getting the scoop so check them out for the deets. It’s gonna be at The Stand in NYC and have some star-studded battlers and judges. Head to The Stand’s web site for ticket info if you’re an east coast reader!
Before the previews, can I do a little plug? Do you like the Report? DId you see me before the battles last week and think I didn’t suck? Well, come watch me not suck some more this Friday in the Belly Room! The Hella Show rolls in at 10pm and has a bunch of my funny friends on it, including Adam Ray! This former judge has an album called “Poptart Suicide” you should check out and recently got done handling a racial situation in these troubling times. It’s free and a great time and I’ll be hosting!
Aright we know Jeff Ross and Moses will be there. Who else?
Welcome back Moshe Kasher! Moshe is a super funny guy. He’s a fellow Bay Area boy so he’s intelligent/likable/handsome. You can read about his experiences surviving Oakland in his memoir. Also, check out his special! Just to give you an idea of the greatness of Moshe Kasher, check this out. It’s the exact thing every comedian has wanted to say to some sourpuss in the crowd.
Let’s give Kurt Braunohler a nice welcome to the judge’s table! Kurt is a very funny guy and you’ve seen him on everything. He hosts The K Ohle podcast with Kurt Braunohler (same guy). Listen to his album “How Do I Land?” if you like good things and check out his “Roustabout” tour with Comedy Central. I’m telling you…comedy loves this guy and you should too. Start by seeing him tonight at the show.
Oh what a nice photo! This is Liza Treyger (1-0, 35). Oh, that’s right. She’s got a record. She competed and won wayyy back when at Roast Battle’s SXSW appearance. She corresponded with me about it also so you know she’s not a dick. She just recorded an album, “Glitter Cheese”, so be on the lookout for that! Excited for her to see Roast Battle at it’s birthplace.
The first undercard has Patrick Quinn (0-0, UR) going against Joey Long (0-0, UR)!
Sweet photos guys! One guy got apparently jumped but they didn’t take his cell phone. The other is so passionate about stand up comedy, he’ll sell his wares for free on side of the road. These promote what we like to call in the biz, “cast-ablility”. Seriously, these two are good friends of mine and good comedians. Patrick runs a great show/house party out in Playa Del Rey. It was totally worth the thirty dollar Lyft it took to get home. I know Patrick to be a little zingier in conversation so I think he’ll take this one.
Our secret, last-minute surprise undercard has Toby Muresianu (2-2, 44) going against Jeff Amaral (0-1, ?)
I was texted about this battle some time this morning but I’m just as happy as ever to report how much it will pop. Last time we saw Toby, Pat Barker was showing him who was boss. That ended up being one of the battles of the year so you know Toby has the material for a hot show. Jeff, I am not as familiar with. Couldn’t even find a pic of him. Jay Light had to find it. The pick will obviously be Toby.
Our next undercard has
Jay Light Parker Searfoss (0-0, UR) taking on Ethan Stanislawski (0-0, UR)!
Seriously, I thought Jay Light (7-3, 5) took his glasses off and was auditioning for Lady Gap. Parker and Jay are great friends if you want to know what confederate goals personified looks like. Fun fact; Parker Searfoss is actually the name of one out of every five fraternity brothers. The first time I saw Parker he DESTROYED a heckler. It was some muscled-bound dude who was popping off and I think Parker made his girlfriend leave him. She didn’t leave with Parker obvs, just the building. He’s a good dude and funny comedian. I wish I knew more about Ethan to make fun of him or his comedy. The few times I’ve seen him he was fine. The “cast-ability” in his picture is off the charts. Is he answering a piece of tissue paper? OMG. The pick is Parker.
The third undercard has Sina Amedson (3-3, 27) matching up with Tom Goss (1-1, 49)!
This should be an excellent undercard. It could be one of the best. It’s gonna…wait, why isn’t this a Main Event? Probably time constraints. It’s a hot show people. Anyway, these two are good comedians. Tom is from OC, so you know he brings the heat when he battles. A lot of ties in these pictures. So much “cast-ability”. Man, this battle will be a tight one. Both are funny and great roast writers. I never pick Sina. I will this time. Sina, if you lose, you don’t get to blame me.
And in our powerhouse Main Event, Pat Barker (4-1, 11) is locking bald horns with Frank Castillo (7-3, 9)!
We’re in prime Roast Battle territory here as we drift towards the end of summer. Two weeks in a row with top 15 battlers facing each other and there’s even more excitement to come. These two are fantastic joke writers and some of the best roasters we have. If we have any SD readers, you can find Frank at the La Jolla Comedy Store this weekend! He’ll be there with Roast Battle judge Steve Trevino and former Roast Battle Headliner champion Jesus Trejo (3-0, 2HR), so you know it’ll be a hot show. Pat’s funny too but I haven’t been able to find where you can find him next. He’s a Philadelphia sports fan so he doesn’t have a lot going for him. Seriously love both of these guys. My pick will be Pat but my pick for Frank’s shirt will be a blue one with random patterns. FInally, a battle with zero “cast-ability”.
I am 46-31 in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Shout to the Great Photog for the beautiful photos. Follow us on the only IG backed by the Report, tweet us@roastbattle or email firstname.lastname@example.org for questions/concerns/other stuff.