We’re back to your regularly scheduled Tuesday night terror at the Comedy Store. The lines of what is appropriate are always blurred when you have judges as skilled as our comedians tonight.
Present on the panel will include Jeff Ross, Adam Hunter, and other loved and talented powerhouses.
Our first battle is Nate Banditelli taking on Berenice Ashikian. Nate looks like a human chain wallet if the only thing he was chained to was childhood trauma. How many PBRs do you have to drink to feel like your Pac Sun employment will pay your student loans? On the other hand, this Lena Well Done-ham is in the Bell Jar.. if the Bell Jar was a cookie jar. Anne Frank if she grew up and worked at the Cheesecake Factory has battled before in the past and sets out to prove herself once more. Nate looks like Berenice post-op.
Next up is Abraham Boche taking on James Bida. Abraham, pictured here being successfully kept out of the country by Trump’s wall, has battled pretty consistently but we all still mostly forget about him until we’re like “oh yeah, that guy”. Interestingly enough, Abraham is taking on a Roast Battle virgin. If James is as good at battling as he is at debate club or wearing the skin of minors, it should be a fun battle to watch.
Our next battle pits Ahmed Al-Kadri against Ryan Kelly. Ahmed Al-Kadri, aside from having a name that sounds like an old disabled bulldog sneezing, is here to remind us that you can also get your bro douchebag slightly toasted. The moment you start to think it couldn’t get any worse.. Here comes Ryan Kelly.. ready to “yes, and” his way into your girl’s pants… and when I say “your girl”, I mean your daughter. These two met when they played lacrosse together at Duke and then la-cross-stitched the fuck out of a sweater. Who spends more time sniffing bologna?
Our final battle of the night is Rebecca Rush taking on top dog Robin Tran. I say top dog because it’s the kamasutra move she uses to top her girlfriend and then feast upon her favorite meal. With a Hulu special and an appearance on the latest season of Comedy Central’s Roast Battle, this chica knows how to massage a crowd, and I’m not just saying that because she looks like she gives massages in Thai glory holes. She has battled some of the best of the Belly Room and taken home the wins. Rebecca reminds me of every item on a Denny’s menu that immediately gives you food poisoning. It starts off with mouth pleasure but ends in regretting your poor drunk choices. Who will brag to their friends about winning in the Soul Cycle locker room?
It should be a killer night. See you there, folks.
Follow @RoastBattle on Twitter for all the latest updates, subscribe to our podcast, check out our Instagram and Facebook pages for the latest pictures from our fights, and watch live on Periscope at 11:30 PM PST every Tuesday if you can’t catch the verbal violence in person. Thank you for reading, and thanks as always to our sponsor SpeedWeed.