You know I had planned to post the results only a few days after the initial article, but like, life, ya know? Heck, I even had to pass last week’s writing duties off to Jay Light (6-3, 7), Roastie nominee. Also, my great friend and web designer put up a voting system on the site and I wanted to let that get some votes before the Committee ultimately decided the winners. That’s another thing! There are several stages to get through to determine a Roastie winner. There’s a fan vote, a writer’s vote and then it is put before the Committee, who generally side with the fans. Good luck to our nominees and without further ado ladies and gentleman, I present to you…The Roasties!
For Worst of the Year, the Roastie goes to…(rips envelope)..Matt Lewis!
This horse is having the worst time. We almost had as bad of a time when Matt Lewis (0-1, last) took the Roast Battle stage but Pete C (3-6-1, 21) and the judges made sure that didn’t happen. Matt was the heavy favorite, being twice nominated and all, but I thought Jon Haber (0-0, 116) vs Jared Rudolph (0-0, 117) was a real contender. Phenom Brown (0-1, 119) had a likable innocence despite being awful and Scott Kidd (1-91, 120), no matter how bad he is, is still a friend and part of the scene. Second week of September is when he’s allowed back but don’t be surprised if the next time you see him is a Gawker article with his mug shot because he tried to murder me, Pete C, or this horse.
For Undercard of the Year, the Roastie goes to…(rips envelope)…Liz Stewart (1-0, 60) versus Leah Knauer (0-1, 78)!
Landslide victory for the ladies! They owned every second of their battle and it probably should have gone to OT. It had stiff competition too. Sean (1-0, 43) vs Matt (0-1, 78) was hot the whole way through. Teddy (0-0, 113) vs Justin (0-0, 114) had the honor of ending in a draw it was so good. I’m really excited to see each of their next battles but also feel bad for anyone who should cross their roasting paths. Congrats ladies!
For Debut of the Year, the Roastie goes to…(rips enevelope)..Olivia Grace (4-0, 3)!
Another award that wasn’t close at all. Olivia is like comedy’s little sister and she can roast with the big boys. Except Tony Hinchcliffe (1-1, 6HR), who isn’t that big of a boy anyway. Wub Savell (1-1, 51) will be left wondering if his follow-up battle against Harry Moroz (2-0, 25) lost him this award. The other battlers nominated had great starts but Olivia’s continued dominance cannot be denied. Maybe a Kim Congdon (5-0, 4) battle is on the horizon? We need to determine who the Queen of the Battle is. Three awards in and we’ve had three lady winners! I’m not counting Matt as a winner.
For Comeback of the Year, the Roastie goes to…(rips envelope)…Pat Barker!
“Hey, that was two jokes. You handled that like a true Boston comic. It was a marathon and it ended in a bombing.” – Pat Barker on Toby Muresianu
Pat Barker (4-1, 10) really couldn’t have asked for a better setup to this punchline. Toby (2-2, 41), a veteran of Roast Battle, broke a first round rule and tried to tag a joke. Hats off to Pat for having this one in the chamber. It’s not a comeback in the traditional sense in that it wasn’t a retort to something Toby had said about him. It was probably a top 5 moment for the show since I’ve been covering it, in one of the best battles of the year.
For Judge of the Year, the Roastie goes to…(rips envelope (there are no envelopes))..the Sklar Brothers!
Maybe Theo is texting other people about how great the Sklars are. I wonder how they decide who gets the beard and who has to shave. They are among the funniest people we’ve ever had involved with the show. Check out their new Netflix special, “What Are We Talking About?” to get a taste of what they bring when they’re at the judges table. I had a great joke on Doug Fager but then ended the round on a dud and they put it in terms I could understand.
“It’s like you ran the opening kickoff back for a touchdown and have been losing yardage ever since.” – a Sklar. (probably Randy)
Congrats boys! We’re lucky to have ya.
For Battle of the Year, the Roastie goes to…(rips envelope)..the Keith Carey (4-1, 12) versus Connor McSpadden (2-2, 26) battle!
EXCELLENT BATTLE and 100 percent deserving of the award. Every single joke hit. If you want to revisit that night, which included the Wub Savell destruction of Brandon Brickz (0-1, 120), you can do so here. They were so on point with their delivery and their jokes were so specific. Their friend chem made us want to laugh with them and about them. Here’s a small sample of the fire they brought.
“Connor had sex with a single mom in Modesto, meaning now there are two mothers who regret having him inside of them.” – Keith on Connor.
“Keith is half Samoan, not the country, the Girl Scout cookie.” – Connor on Keith.
This battle BARELY edged out Pat Barker versus Toby Muresianu, who need to be given an honorable mention.
For Battler of the Year, the Roastie goes to…(rips enevelope)..Keith Carey (4-1, 12)!
Oh god he’s going to eat that mic. It’s easy to forget how dominant a battler Keith can be. He’s taken a backseat to battling ever since he started taking up two tables at the Haters section. His only loss comes at the hands of Omid Singh (5-3, 11), fellow Hater, and some might say that loss has a big fat Keith-sized asterisk next to it due to faulty judging. Crazy how a battler outside the top-10 would win over all the other talent but Keith is a good guy, great joke writer and has some sort of twitch that probably gained sympathy votes. For real though Keith, congrats on being the first ever winner of Battler of the Year!
And now a moment of silence for everyone we lost this year.
You’ll be missed Matt. Not by anybody at the Comedy Store but missed by somebody I’m sure.
And…for Joke of the Year, the Roastie goes to…(rips enevelope)..Pat Barker’s joke on Alex Duong!
Re-watching that was so fun. For an extra double burn, watch for Alex to get left hanging after he has to accept he just got fucking roasted. I will go on record that getting left to hang is the great social injustice one could ever commit on another person, but in this case it is so, so sweet. Sadly, my camera was either lost by me or recovered and subsequently traded by Boon for two trucker hats, old tights from the early 90s and an extra large Arrowhead water bottle. Congrats Pat for being the only two-time Roastie winner!
Honorable mention to this zinger from Doug Fager (3-0, 13) on Leah Kayajanian (2-2, 36)!
“Leah’s family are so Armenian that on Thanksgiving they don’t eat Turkey, they wonder why it killed their grandparents.”
And that does it folks. Thank you to the voters. Thank you if you read or come to the show. Thank you to the Comedy Store. Thank you to Brian Moses. Thank you to Troy Conrad. Thank you to the battlers and judges. I have so much fun reliving these battles every week and had a blast going through them again for these awards. I look forward to the next year of jokes and who will bring the winners for the next Roasties. Love yourself. Love others. Then roast the shit out of them.
I am 43-24 in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Listen to the podcast! Keep with the ranks! Headliner ranks too! Shout to the Great Photog for the beautiful photos. Follow us on the only IG backed by the Report, tweet us@roastbattle or email firstname.lastname@example.org for questions/concerns/other stuff.