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Thanks to all who pack the Belly Room at the Comedy Store every tuesday at midnight. There is never any where to stand. It’s hot and sweaty. But look who is holding that microphone. DAVE GD CHAPPELLE. He still stops a room when he walks in. Moses was in mid-recap of an undercard when Dave made his way in and everyone stopped listening to watch his every move, including Moses. 

We had some fantastic battles. Roast Battle is tough. Yet last night we had no bombs. The judges crushed. My main man Jay Light (5-1) dominated and had his SXSW appearance at the battle announced. It’s amazing what happens when you get a crowd a stage and like 50 comics in the same room.

All that is awesome. But the Dave provided this writer’s favorite moment of the night without any real attempt at humor. At certain times during the battles he watched, Dave would comment on the strength of the writing, performance or jokes of the battlers. He even admitted there were jokes he would never have thought of? Whoa for real? That’s like Michael Jordan saying “Great new way to shoot the ball. Never thought of that” to a 3rd year player. Gave me goosies.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The lovely Troy Conrad was unavail this week. We wish him luck but also thank comedy bestie Craig Conant and his iphone 6 for the last minute photes!

You have to get to these shows. It’s comedy culture right growing right in front of us. Anyway…on to these battles bruh. #LETSROAST

Our first undercard was the SIL Wendi Starling (1-0) vs BIL Ryan Budds (0-1)!

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Ugh. Another tick in the loss column for ya boy. Figures though, because this was the battle marijuana made me forget to preview. Great battle! We need more family battles because 1. You only roast the ones you love and 2. Their comfort with each other was evident. Ryan came hot with career and age zings. Wendi had a meh start but finished hot with a good zing about her niece Ryan’s daughter.

Ryan was walking into a losing battle. Men are 1-4? Maybe 1-5 against women. Dan Lawler (2-1) beat Dani Fernandez ( 1-1) and that’s it. In that win, Dan actually complimented Dani’s teeth for the whole second round. Wendi was great but Ryan had more consistent jokes. Highway robbery.

“Wendi’s puss is so beat up, it looks like Sylvester Stallone’s face. And her career looks like his son…dead at 36.”- Ryan Budds, undercard

This battle gets ??/???

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The second undercard was John (1-0) on Jon (0-1) crime!

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Our second undercard was a bit of a sit down affair. Side note: John looks like Justin Harrison (0-2) after shaving to not look like Shawn Halpin, Moses is a Dodgers fan(?), and Jon might be wearing the first V-neck in Roast Battle history. Which may have worked against him because he lost. I actually wasn’t sure who won this battle. The people were chanting “USA” while the decision was made and if i’m not mistaken, that was right when Dave walked in. As I was leaving, Tole said he won and he seemed honest.

To be honest, this was the weakest of the 4 battles. Schabl was a little wordy and Tole had some good stuff but nothing that would have moved the wave. And that’s one of the GMC Keys to Victory. (We are not sponsored by GMC. But if anyone from there reads this…holla atcha boi.

This battle gets ?

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Look at that. Another goosie giver for me. Many people in this pic are my friends. And here they all are laughing and performing. A comedy show is it’s best when you dont think it’s a comedy show, but a bunch of friends who happened to have a microphone.

But for real…GREAT BATTLE. Heavy Jay came to play. And this was right when Dave and for some reason Tyler the Creator came in. So streetz was hawt. This battle was hawt af right from the jump. Jay is a close friend. I know him on and off stage really well. Let me just say Battle Jay would kick On Stage and Off Stage Jay’s ass. Battle Jay dgaf. Even after Tamer hit him with some fire.

Jay LIght broke up with his girlfriend, but continued to live with her. You not only look like a lesbian, you break up like one too.”- Tamer Kattan, Main Event first round.

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“That round was so bad, I’m surprised Moses didn’t demand you to let his people go.”-Heavy Jay (Jay Light), round unknown, Main Event

That’s Jay with a super strong comeback on poor joke attempt. That’s another GMC Key to Vict. You pop off a good comeback zing? The crowd/wave/judges are yours. This was a close battle but Jay actually swept the voting. Although Dave said Tamer was closer than people were giving him credit for. Actually let’s address that again. No comedian alive can claim this man didn’t influence them in some way. If they do they’re probably liars in other parts of their life as well. Yet here he is, taking zings from comics about Season 4 of Chappelle’s Show (which I’m told does exist, it’s just called Key and Peele) and just having a chill time.

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Sorry I get all emo sometimes but I love comedy and my friends battling as a major influence takes it in is the definition of a good time for me. #goosies

In any event, Jay won and i give this battle the first ever…?
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And for our final battle, Ashley Barnhill (2-0) against Babs Gray (0-1)!

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Really a Roast Battle cherry on what was probably the best fight night I have been to in a long time. Ashley is a force. Calm. Cool. Collected. All the adjects you want in a performer. Well written jokes. Great off the cuff. All this…AND BABS ALMOST STOLE IT.

“Ashley looks like the kind of girl who knows exactly how many calories a handjob burns”- Babs Gray, Round 1, Main Event

Srsly, Babs might have had the best loss I’ve ever seen in Roast Battle. She was very funny. I thought the first round was even and that tie would go to the runner (Ashley) but nah. Judges gave it to Babs, and deservedly. The round and a few zings. It’s gotta be kinda cool to get zinged by Jeff Ross. It’d be like getting dunked on by Blake Griffin. You feel a a part of something special. Unless you’re Matt Lewis. And what did Matt Lewis teach us last week? Roast Battle is not often won in the first round. And Ashley came out with HOT HOT FIRE in round 2.

“Babs just auditioned for a part on the TV show “Fresh Off the Boat”. Not as an actress, but as the boat.”- Ashley Barnhill, Round 2, Main Event

Was I right or was I right about it being fire? Ok yeah I was right. And her venom wasn’t reserved. Remember the headline? Sexual tensh? Well it became clear Mark wanted to throw his hat in Ashley’s ring. If you catch my drift. It’s a sexual drift. Anyway, Ashley wasn’t phased.

“Mark looks like a ventriloquist act without the comedian.”- single Ashley Barnhill, at her flirtatious best.

Zing City. The third round was great but was overshadowed by some offstage antics. Earl felt the need to assure Tyler the Creator his “House Haters’ racist thing was an act. Earl. Buddy. We’re still not sure it’s an act. Whitney crossed over to the dark side, literally, as she was gigged on by the Negro Wave. Moses started using GF/Customer service voice. And in the midst of it all we had another #moment.

Dave was up there goofing, smoking and just general hanging. Admitted that Ashley and Babs thought of stuff he wouldn’t have. Ashley was to do her final joke right around that time and she uncorked this banger.

“Babs, if you feel like quitting comedy after this, I think Dave has a PO box in Africa you can use.”- Ashley Barnhill, bringing the house down and tugging on Superman’s cape. 

RIGHT? I just hope Ashley’s next victim provides the challenge Babs did. Babsy…baby…anyone else…on any other night and it’d be your night. But tonight, as are most when she battles, belong to Ashley.

Well now it doesnt seem as awesome but this battle also received ?
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Judge’s Joke of the Night 
“Barbara once tweeted if she got 5,000 followers she’d show her boobs. How’s it feel to have tits that hang lower than your self esteem?”
Writer’s Joke of the Night
“Babs just auditioned for a part on the TV show “Fresh Off the Boat”. Not as an actress, but as the boat.”
“Today Barbara tweeted whoever loses has to leave comedy. Maybe Chapelle can give you that address in Africa.”- honorable mention.

I am 10-4 so far in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Tweet us @roastbattle or email [email protected] for questions/concerns/other stuff.

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