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Jeff Ross got arrested for thinking that hat was a good a idea, and was sentenced to 75 minutes of community service at Brazos County Jail. He roasts prisoners and gets raped a “firsthand experience” of how inmates survive behind bars. Check out previews here! Oh and he brought Jamar (2-2, 18)? Anyway, that’s why he’s not around this week. He’s out doing promo for eff Ross Roasts Criminals: Live at Brazos County Jail, which you can watch on Comedy Central on June 13th. 

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In the meantime, make sure you’re staying up on the ranks! Doug Fager (3-0, 13) had the biggest jump while Stu Thompson (3-1, 5) moved up a bit despite being inactive for the week. That top 30 should be the goal of anyone ranked 31 and beyond. It’s how you get the Main main Events. A lot of those people either work for The Comedy Store, get weekly sets there or, as is the case with Ashley (3-0, 4), go on the road for some pretty big time gigs. It’s a joke writer’s showcase and the rewards can be robust.

Lastly, a blog called The Interrobang wrote up a little something on “The Original Roast Battle” that’s finding a second home in New York. It’s exciting! I didn’t know “original” was Latin for “different”. Rumor has it there will be some changes to fit the New York producer’s style. I’m not sure what to say about all this except the truth shall set us all free. And maybe this one from the Roast Battle official Twitter on May 28th.

“#RoastBattle: A project created by the Los Angeles Comedy Community. We are not affiliated with any other city but we respect the MOVEMENT.”

So serious. Let’s see whats up with these judges.

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OMG IT’S RALPHIE FROM A CHRISTMAS STORY. Everyone welcome Peter Billingsley to the dojo! Now we know the answer to the question “What would Jay Light (6-3, 6) look like with an ounce of testosterone?” I never really liked the movie. It’s like Barney or Finding Nemo for me. I see the hype but just not for me. Peter also executive produced the cancelled sitcom “Sullivan and Son”, so I guess we’re just helping everyone who lost a job there. Next week we have a key grip in the undercard.

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Oooh I am excited for this! This is Eleanor Kerrigan. She’s a Comedy Store paid regular and tours with Andrew Dice Clay. When I was still a comedy pup, I would host shows on Saturday nights in the Belly Room. The producer of that show frequently had Eleanor close out the shows. She. Is. A. Killer. One of the funniest, quickest-witted people I have ever seen on stage. Tons of energy. And super sweet off-stage, which is an underrated quality. Here’s my favorite Eleanor on-stage story…

“I’m really shy. I wouldn’t even fight back if you raped me…(after a beat) so ball’s in your court, pussy.”

OMG. Lost my shit. The way she went back and forth from the sweet to crazy side was perfect. Can’t wait to see her as a judge!

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Another judge newbie is Steve Agee! He’s a frequent crusher on @midnight and has starred in such creative endeavors as “The Bogus Witch Project” and “Kicked in the Nuts”. Follow him on Twitter, as he is one of the best on there.

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Oh hey Joe Derosa, our only veteran judge this week. Jeez, did it go down fast in the looks department after Billingsley. I don’t know if that chain has medical information on it or it’s holding down another chin. That shirt wasn’t a v-neck before Joe put it on but it needed to breathe so they cut it. Joe hosts a super fun show called “Can I Kick It” at Meltdown Comics and has a double album called “Mistakes Were Made”, which you can get here. Digging the chin/album ratio.

Okay…let’s get to some GD previews.

Our first undercard has Adam Feurberg (0-0, UR) taking on Fizaa Dosani (0-0, UR)!

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Woo! Another Gender War! Adam is a good buddy. He runs a great open mic at Karma Lounge on Wednesdays. Fizaa, I have yet to meet but her Twitter handle is @bigfizzmandingo and she has very Liza Frank web site so she probably gets it. I’m gonna go with Adam here, as I know him to be a good joke writer.

Our second undercard has Michael Schirtzer (0-0, UR) versus Justin Matson (0-0, UR)!

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Holy shit, talk about the battle for Caucasia! These two are good, funny dudes i’ve seen around. They both kind of look like the heavy-breathing kid from Hey Arnold! grew up to be banned from living within 500 feet of a school. I’ll pick Justin here for what should be a good Battle, although last week we had two white-guy noobs and we’re all still trying to wash that funk away.

Our final Battle has Ashley Barnhill (3-0, 4) taking on Keith Reza (1-0, 42)!

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This is a bit of an audible. Kim Congdon (4-0, 3) was supposed to take on Pete C (3-6-1, 19) but due to unforeseen circumstances, it had to be delayed. Everyone send good vibes towards Pete! We’re all here for you buddy. Kudos to these two for stepping up 2 extra rounds to save the show. Ashley, as we all know, generally obliterates all in her path but we could see an upset here. Keith charmed us all way back in the Special Battle, beating Michael James Benson (0-2, 81). I’ll still pick Ashley here. But be warned the “Waldge Curse” has been known to be the demise of any sure victory.

I am 27-19 in picks. Yea, I’m the only one keeping track. Wanna fight about it? Thanks as usual for reading and coming to the show. Follow us on the only IG backed by the Report, tweet us @roastbattle or email roastbattle@gmail.com for questions/concerns/other stuff.

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